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Readers Respond: Cougar - Positive or Negative Image of Women and Female Sexuality?

Responses: 230


From the article: What is a cougar?
When an older woman is involved with a younger man, she's often labeled a 'cougar.' Does the cougar image promote a positive or negative view of women and sexuality? Or is this another example of gender bias, since no equivalent term for males who date younger females exists? If you've ever dated a younger man, did you like being called a cougar? Or did you resent it?

Women live longer than men.

I think that it should be OK for older women to date men younger than them in our society because, simply women live longer. A woman that marries an older man will definitely be left alone in her old age. Women live up to 20 years longer than men. Also, women stay sexually vital for a longer time than men. While I don't agree with sex for sex at any age, I see nothing wrong with an older woman marrying a younger man. I think that given the average age of life between men and women, it should be more acceptable than a man marrying a younger woman.
—Guest Orangesky

Mind the gap...or not?

I have had my first sexual encounter in years and hope to have more with him. He is 35 years younger than me. Am I nuts?

No respect...it's all about sex

My stepson's mom is always dating younger guys, younger than he is. It is so sad and disheartening to see what she is doing to this young man's psyche. She is messing him up for good. He has begged, pleaded for her to stop embarrassing him and she flatly ignores him and continues her way of life. She is an alcoholic. She never paid her son attention while he was growing up as his father and I took over that role although she had full custody. It is just sex and more sex. There is no self-respect. These young males who date her have no respect either. It is sex both ways with no feelings, emotions. Older women are trying to relive their youth and they look ridiculous dressing mutton like to look like lamb. What about sexually transmitted diseases?...It is just wham, bam thank you ma'am.All met at a bar. Proves my point, decent people do not go looking for a mate at a bar when they want a full-time relationship. Bars are seedy, pick-up joints to meet low-lifes and have sex.
—Guest Angela

Cougars are pitiful

I think older women who are cougars have always been little sluts since high school. They have been drinkers, smokers, etc. and their emotional intelligence and age is linked to of how old they were when they took that first drink. An older woman who messes with a male young enough to be her son is disgusting. They can ruin young men forever. No matter how thin and physically attractive these so-called classy, sophisticated cougars try to be, the fact is they're still old. A woman with self-respect, morals, and principles would not act this way under any circumstances. Cougars have sex with younger males to prove they're still sexy and still have what it takes. They don't want to be with a man their own age or older who has erectile dysfunction as this makes them feel unsexy - mot sexy enough for the older male to get it up straightaway - whereas a young man just thinks sex and has an immediate hard-on. Cougars are selfish, calculating people who like to destroy relationships.
—Guest Sharri

Why harsh criticism of age difference?

First of all, you go senio, whatever knocks both of your socks off. Several other responses were very strong and it makes me a little worried...is that the sentiment out there? I'm just divorced and 35. My ex was 41...so if I begin to date someone who is in their 20's (conceivably the same age difference just the other way around), will society view me as a disgusting woman out to wreck younger men while I prove that I "still have what it takes"? Conversely, does it mean that there is something statistically wrong with the younger man that would dare date me? That he might feel like I'm using him? Good Lord I hope not. Doesn't dating bring up enough self-confidence issues without the harsh criticism of age differentials?
—Guest Sally

I think women need a grip on reality

The real question that concerns me is this: at what age do women stop calling males "boy toys" and start calling them "dirty old men creepy predators" for "preying" on a younger woman? Three years ago I was a "boy toy" but now I'm hitting my late 30s and my fiancee is a very young adult. Now females my age call me a "pervert". How did I go from "boy toy" to creepy perv? I think women think us males have forgotten that dark side of your nature. The side where you call boy toys "perverts and predators" when we decide it's time for a wife (a female who is usually our junior.) In the real world where a relationship leads to the altar and marriage, a cougar is a guy. We are older than our spouses most of the time. Not younger. What about male labels? Older women call males "perverts and dirty old men (DOMs)" for dating younger women. So... I think older women are kidding themselves. Males don't even wed a woman 2 years their senior with any real statistical enthusiasm.

Sexually active = sexual diseases

To all the old cougars out there trying so hard to prove their point that society is in favour of older women/baby man relationships, it is time to come out of your dreamworld and face the music. Admit it, it is all about the sex, never mind the personality, optimism and all that bull. Other women, especially younger ones are laughing at you. A man at any age will spoil a woman in order to get sex....young baby men know it is easier and less expensive to seduce an older woman, A young baby man knows he will be spoiled and will receive lots of gifts from an older woman. Older women know that a man who is their same age or older can and will get young females age 20+ and that is why the male pool is less and you have to trap yourselves a baby man. Older women (cougars) are not saintly. They have been around the block a few times and once they have tried/tasted/seen how easy it is to get baby men to have sex with, they will have many (beware sexually transmitted diseases).
—Guest Denise

Unbelievable attitudes towards cougars!

I'm not sure if this is a predominantly USA site or not where I know you have strong religious beliefs..but I'm still dumbstruck at some of the responses above. How some of you can label us older women as sluts with no social morals!! I'm 37 years of age. I was happily married to the man whom I thought would be with me for life. He was the one who left, the one who was unfaithful, not me. I was a doting wife and mother. I wasn't the school slut, tart, tramp whatever you call it...I did well and towed the line. I've never had one night stands or been with complete strangers. Yet, I do find the younger male more fun and interesting than men of my own age who only seem to be interested in financial goals; they have lost their zest for life. Younger men expect nothing of you and it's you who tends to hold control...which when you older men bugger off with some tart, we lose completely. So having that control back brings us our freedom again!!
—Guest Squirrel

More energy & spontaneity in young men

I'm 46 and I enjoy the pleasure of a 37 year old male. He is attractive and is very sexually stimulating. Why shouldn't I be able to spend time with him if I desire him and he desires me? I should and I do and I will continue to. I date men my age and slightly older too, but I prefer a younger man. Younger men have more energy, are more inclined to be spontaneous and they aren't stuck in their ways like older men. I enjoy young men and if no one likes it, I don't care about that either, you do not live my life as I do not live yours. If you don't like it, close your eyes. Semi Cougar and loving every moment of it.
—Guest Semi Cougar

Women should act their age morally

Cougars are wanton women in disguise. They are now divorced because of their infidelities of the past and now they want to live it up as if it was the ex-husband's fault. They are showing off by getting these young men. There is no lasting relationship that's going to happen and lead to marriage. It's basically a waste of time. The seductress only wants to satisfy herself, instead of waiting until the right man comes along because we all want to grow old with a loving partner. Each year they play, they grow older and their chances of having a relationship is nil. When an older man comes along and hears via the grapevine that his woman has dated younger men, he'll be disgusted due to the social stigma attached. He'll know that you are easy and must have had many, many sexual partners down the line. He won't trust you as he'll think you'll continue with this lifestyle and are not marriage material. Good luck to all you cougars when you find yourself alone in an old age home!
—Guest Chantel

respect to the cougars out there

Hi all. I am 24 years old, and I recently googled the word cougars, cause so many people be talking of it and I must say, I'm rather impressed of what I derived from this.... Anyways, we all want something in life, whether its a million rand boat, a fancy car, smart house... Some of us just want something more from life itself, and who better to share it with than an older woman? Not many can take on that role, no matter how young and naïve / gullable, it just aint the same. I wish I dated a older woman, I think that would make me even more mature. Older sensible woman are like wine, they just more embracing, that's a pure sense of maturity one can taste! Its so close, yet so far, yet right next to me. That's my take on it. Use it, don't use it. Your call detective. You can't fill an empty space with just anything, sometimes its gota be filled with something different, something older, something that's not your age. That's my take on it.
—Guest I'm a believer!

I am a Cougar...deal with it!

Funny to see all the strong responses of the young ones here! I am a cougar and married to someone 12 years my junior. We are happy with no end! To the younger ones...drop your insecurities and enjoy life! My husband's friend, his age, envy him for the relationship we have. Cougars are settled, secure, mature...and we don't ask questions like... Do I look fat in this? Am I fat? Is she sexier than me? Do you love me? Will you leave me for someone else? Why are you looking at her? Ladies...be fun to be with! Men don't care about age...they want to be with someone confident and content...
—Guest Juli

What about this example?

This is someone I know: At 38 she had never been married,and had no kids. She met a 25 yr old. Within a few months(3-5) he moved in when she got pregnant. Two years later, another pregnancy. Seven years later, finally married. Just asking for your opinion...true love or a desperate attempt to find a baby daddy before it's too late?

Holy Moly

Like one of the ladies said earlier i cant believe the negative attitudes of some of the all n mighty here!. These women arnt sluts, in many cases its their ex husbands that were the sluts, they are generally just fun loving women that enjoy the feeling of youthfullness that a younger man can give them. Obvious sexual benefits for the guys means there will never be a shortage of younger men willing to show these lovely ladies where their boring old exs were so getting it wrong!
—Guest Richie

I got the vanity plate to prove it!

I have been married to a younger man for 4 wonderful years, and I value our marriage more than anything. It's my first marriage and my last unless I become widow--god forbid!!! Or he hits me (which i more unlikely than him dying...he has a very dangerous job!) in our relationship we are a team ...equal authority and responsibility a single unit we call "the house". I don't label myself as a "feminist" but as a human being. I believe in equality no discrimination and no favoritism. My husband calls me a cougar even though I'm only 30 and look 20 because I spend 4 days at the gym a week. I like this pet name! All this negativity with cougar is mostly (mostly not all) by men that are threatened by strong women who refuse to go along with that "obey husband" nonsense obeying is for children I am not a child And Women who let themselves go ,who men walk all over because they believe that "gender role" horse$&!@...their just jealous of the cougar...that's why they call us "sluts"
—Guest Jenette

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