1. News & Issues

Your suggestion is on its way!

An email with a link to:


was emailed to:

Thanks for sharing About.com with others!

Readers Respond: Cougar - Positive or Negative Image of Women and Female Sexuality?

Responses: 230


Women are hopelessly stereotyped again..

The name cougar can unfortunately carry negative connotations for some people. It's really disappointing that women are still degraded so much with these negative connotations. Why can't a women be free to marry or love a man that is younger without judgment from others? It's simply degrading to think so negatively about women when past generations of women have died and carried the weight of the world so that we may one day be viewed as equal and deserving people.
—Guest Meagan Padgett

My 48 yr old wife looks 15 yrs younger

My lady is 14 years older and we've been together eight years now. When I met her, I thought she was younger than me - I had no particular attraction to older women. She looks much better than many women my age, and at 48 has no wrinkles. If I'd married my ex-girlfriend, who is a little younger than me, the truth is I'd have an old bag for a wife now (I might love her, but she'd still look like an old bag.) I was shocked when I saw her again recently. Shows how fast some people age. The 'young' wife you marry today can look ten years older than you in no time. Go with who you love.
—Guest Cameron

Go girl!

If I had a twenty-something guy interested in me (a forty-something) I truly wouldn't give a s*** what anyone thought of me! As long as all parties are consenting adults then it's nobody else's business. I say way to go senio! How jealous am I? ;)
—Guest Cougar wannabe

Keep your nose to yourself!!

Why can't people just have fun for god's sake? If you can get a younger guy then I don't understand what the problem is. People need to learn to have fun! That is all it is...fun! So what if it turns into a real relationship, what the hell has it got to do with anyone else? People need to focus on their own loves and lives and leave other older single women to get on with theirs. Why do people have to give a label to everyone? It's quite sad. Live and let live. Be happy with who you are and let others be happy living the way they do! Or stop being a pathetic busybody who can't raise an eyebrow!!!
—Guest Gary

Who Cares for Real?

If both are consenting adults and not brain damaged, then go for it. No one seemed to ever have this discussion or 'problem' when men dated younger girls. I personally have already raised a son and I'm not looking for another--lolol--but I don't knock anyone's groove.
—Guest Redtopp


I think it's great that more women are coming out of the woodwork and being assertive about the men that they like to date, and that men can do the same. Just look at all the people signing up to niche dating sites like http://www.cougared.com - that would never have happened 15 years ago.
—Guest raylc

Bias label- get real!

What on earth? I am an active single at 45...love the outdoors, backpacking, kayaking etc...I have not been able to meet one guy that enjoys the activities I do my age or older...I want to live to live, not live to die...Most men my age would prefer to sit around and look at 4 walls. I say if there is chemistry and you are like-minded in life's activities...go for it. To each's own, eh?
—Guest 45 and lovin it!

I don't think my uncle is like that

It is hilarious how several people have also claimed that all younger men are "using" these younger women and would never have relationships with them or present them publicly. My aunt is 48 years old married to a 36 year old man. They have been married for several years and are very happy together. And given that, yes even at 47, my aunt is a hottie, my step-uncle has absolutely no problem showing her off as his bride to anyone and everyone!
—Guest Jessica

The joke's on you

To all the people claiming that May/December romances are a "joke", it looks like the joke is on you. Clearly the people in these relationships are in them for a reason all their own. Personally, I have generally preferred to date older men rather than men my own age (and even that comment needs to come with loads of caveats since there are TONS of older men I wouldn't go anywhere near), and in my current relationship there is a 24 year age difference. We've been together for over 2 years, and we feel very strongly about each other. Unlike a lot of younger women out there, I don't have any horror stories about male partners treating me like garbage and I don't carry any "I hate men" bitterness. I would imagine this is because I have generally made better choices when it came to male partners. Anyway, if an older woman is made happy by a younger man, why is it even any of your business? Get your own relationship to make you happy and leave the rest of us to our own happiness!
—Guest Jessica

What's the problem?

Okay, so you are 40 years of age or over; you are bored to hell with your life; you need to have some great fun and sex with no strings attached; and so you attract males in their 20s and upwards. So why is it an issue for some people that you are getting it on with younger males if: a) it is consensual and b) you are having great sex? I say go for it and have the time of your life...it's a free world out there! Live, love, laugh and play hard -- we are only on this planet for a short time!!!
—Guest Classy Women

Don't Knock It Until You've Tried It

I dated a lot in my youth, older never younger! At 22 I was married to a 28 yr old for 16 yrs. My second 5 yr marriage at 38 was to a 41 yr old. A friend told me to get out because guys weren't going to knock on my door. Well, one did. A 35 yr. old divorced neighbor helped me plant bushes and pursued 50 yr. old me. We dated 9 mos. I then had a romance with a guy 2 yrs. older. He told me, during sex, that he couldn't keep up with me! At 55 a workplace romance evolved with a man who was kind, helpful and funny! I knew he was younger,but we had chemistry. His beard made him look 35. After we became intimate, I was shocked to learn I was 30 yrs older! For 9 mos. we cooked, danced & laughed together. It lasted as long as it was meant to. I refused to see him 1 yr later when he called despite being the most simple, authentic, least stressful relationship I've had. Incredible sex! Older women younger men sexually make more sense than vice versa. We are not sluts. I've been celibate for 8 yrs.
—Guest ginasophia21

Age difference is nothing

Age is just a number by the way. What matters is the love between the two of you. Let them call you whatever they may. Eventually they will get tired.
—Guest danielaugo@hotmail.com

No one has the right to judge

After reading so much negativity in these responses it's sad that so many seem to have so much time on their hands to call women they know or don't know "lil' sluts" or to suggest that they wake up etc etc... all because they've got younger men and they themselves are older. Maybe you all need to look in your mirrors and question yourselves. *IF* your own partners didn't think you were attractive but a younger did, would *YOU* consider your choices in that very world? Or maybe you have some fantasies of doing it with younger men. It's sort of like masturbation. You're a liar if you say, "No, I don't masturbate and you're an idiot if you admit it. Get over yourselves. No one is perfect in this world, just as no one has a right to tell anyone who they ought see or not...and if you do, you're shallow.
—Guest Sass

He begged me to meet him

I'm 39 and my sexy man is just 20. We love each other, and each time I have tried to break it off, saying he should be with a younger woman, he would not have none of it. He is just not attracted to younger women. He says they are too childish, and instead of fancying his mother's friend's daughter he fancied his mother's friend...that's when he knew he preferrred mature women! I won't deny what he feels for me. Why should I? I have dated a man 24 years older than myself previously, which was a happy relationship until he ended it saying that I was too young and he was getting pressure from his son who was my age. We both cried that day and I would have still been with him was it not for people interfering and complaining about the age thing. what I have now is the opposite, and I did try to back off from it because of the age thing but we couldn't help it, I was 36 he was 18... still going strong over 2 years now. If my ex had done that we would have still been together.
—Guest miss lucky

Don't put restrictions on me

My husband left me for a woman 6 years younger and that is acceptable, but if I date a 38 year old, that is unacceptable. Hello...I don't look 47, and what there is to pick from is not to my liking; I need high energy. If I run into someone 45 to 50 that fits my criteria, then I'll go for it, but I shouldn't be limited in my future selections in society's eyes. Frankly, who cares? I have turned the heads of 31 year olds, but that doesn't mean that I screwed them. What I did as a teenager and young adult, has nothing to do with my current behavior. Did what I wanted then, do what I want now. 28 years of marriage and never once been unfaithful. It's my turn, baby.
—Guest tigerlady

©2015 About.com. All rights reserved.