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Readers Respond: Cougar - Positive or Negative Image of Women and Female Sexuality?

Responses: 230


Honey's story

I am married to a 22yr old man and I am 30. We have been together for 2 yrs and we get negative reactions from the public, I get the bill at a lot of dinner dates and get asked if he is my son (the question is accompanied by bizarre looks.) This is not what you would dream of as a woman who just hit thirty... I'm kind of bitter with the sexism that exists in society but I'm in love and so is he.
—Guest honey

Cougar clothes

Speaking as a proud cougar (hotwife) i just thougt I would just to shift the debate away and add a little information and lighten things. There has been a development in recent years of even the high street stores selling cougar fashion T shirts, hot pants etc. These started out as fun novelty items but the quality of the garments has changed indicating that more women are prepared to advertise their cougar status. traditionally we could wear cougar animal print clothing or underwear but it is not to everyones taste. Another development that I came across in a hedonism resort in the caribean among fellow cougars in summer 2011 was the wearing of Zebra print clothing, bikinis and underwear to indicate a white womans desire to have sex with young black men. Actually I came across a group of much younger woman also using this "display" on the last day of our holiday there. Don't know if this was a summer fad or something more substanial.


I am sure society thinks of Cougars in the most negative of terms. For whatever reason older women are supposed to be a grandmotherly type or a ‘Plain Jane’; not the sexually exciting, sexually excited, or sexual human being. It may also include the idea that when a man marries, he is supposed to be with a woman who can bare his children – Cougars are viewed as being post menopausal or have children that are grown, on their own, and out of the her home. She is generally divorced or widowed and perhaps as ‘used up’. I do not, but I am sure many are… Men in the same position are considered 'a Stud', a Sugar-daddy, or a Dirty Old Man. Our society is accepting for an older man with a much younger woman, this includes dating, shacking, or marrying her. It is probably sexist or biased, or discriminatory. Either way, it is wrong. Personally I think this conditions are changing, but not quickly enough.
—Guest bubbadave

cougar woman

I believe totally in the cougar theory because I am one and love it...I enjoy men 10 years younger or more...I'm 63 and look and act 10 plus yrs younger so am able to attract the younger ones easily... With a young slim and trim body I look fantastic in or out of clothes. Whoopie for the cougars!!!!

Just share the love & be happy!

He's 21 & I'm 45. He persued me for several months. I've been married 3x's & have 3 children. Which 2 girls are of his age range 19 & 21. I tried getting my daughters interested in him as he is extremely gorgeous intellegent and just a great catch, but they have found no interest in him. Finally after 5months we met at the beach. We later had dinner & the rest is history. He is so sexy & mature. We talk all the time & care to please each others needs. He finds interest in my life style as I find interest in his. We go out & are unsepearable. He's the sweetest thing ever to come my way. He's a vet that served for our country on the frontline. He has his own apartment & always covers the tap when we go out. He's very much intereset in ME & what is going on in my life as I am in his Yes the sex is amazing I do admit & I do plan to enjoy every moment we share together. Ladies & Gentlemen, life is just too short! We have to live & let live! Everyone shud just chill & trust ur feelings.
—Guest cougarbeingchased


Reading some of the negative comments, I was not surprised (but annoyed) to find most of them from women - presumably ones whose men left them for older women. But really, what's it got to do with you if a young man wants to sleep with/have a relationship with a woman more than 10 yrs older than him? Presumably he's over 18 and old enough to look after himself, and she certainly is. When did society decide that anything over a 10 yr age gap between lovers is wrong? I fully intend to go cougar on any young man who is happy for me to blow his mind, and maybe if women his own age weren't silly, immature, jealous, confused, game-playing, boring little twats, they'd stand a better chance of getting him. For the haters, it's nothing but jealousy. And men don't like uptight, jealous, silly little girls, so they go for 'cougars' - or as I like to call them, WOMEN.
—Guest notquitecougar

hooked on cougers.

I for one absolutley love cougers. Whats so wrong about helping out a lonely housewife just looking for a little one to me fling to get her batterys recharged so to speak. Personally I'd take a nice curvy cougar over most girls my age (20). I've only had two encounters with beautiful older women, one 50 (my first) and 46. Both were extreamly talented sexually. My first experience was with dare I say it... My dads exwife, she used to be my stepmom for a couple years, I was 17 when they got married. She was always very nice to me. Once I was 18, their marrige was getting starting to get rocky.. My dad works all day then comes home eats dinner and goes to straight to bed and watches tv/on his computer. Me and... i'll call her, Dee. Well before it all happend, it started out with her being really flirtacious around me. Always brushing her (absolutley INCREDIBLE perfect round) ass against me when walking past me, then started always wearing her tight shirts without a bra on, and little booty shorts almost everyday that summer that my dad was at work, and i'd always be sure to be up at 7am every weekday morningt I was home for breakfast, she would always wear her short silk night gown around the house in the mornings. She'd bend over right infront of me just to tease me. I started eventually getting more ballsy to attempt to well how should I say, want me... I'd sit on the couch near her with a half chub buldging through my jeans and whenever id notice her look down at it (happend about once every couple minutes) I'd start rubbing it, and act like I didn't notice her staring. Shed of course return the favor and make an excuse to bend over, like looking for dvd movies under the entertainment center , even though we had the worst dvd selection ever. Her ass was amazing to say the least. Perfection I would say. Big, firm, and she had perfect 36c tits that were still albeit perky. We only went at it about 3 times before the slip up. and after shed always send me nudes in text. My dad doesn't know still to this day either.
—Guest cougerbait

Not just about sex

I am 35 and my boyfriend is 24. It seems that the perception of older women is that they date younger men mainly for sex. My boyfriend and I are both Christians and are only planning to sleep together if we get married one day. I think for me the 'younger man' thing is just related to personality. All of my boyfriends have been younger than me, but I that wasn't a deliberate decision on my part, it just seems that I get on better with younger guys. Sometimes there can be issues with the age gap but on the whole I think it's fine, and no-one who knows us has a problem with it.
—Guest 11 years older

Love in the first degree

Its really nice to hear that society is changing their views on this type of relationship, they have been going on for time in secret from what i know. anyway i was in a 13yr age gap relationship and all the talk and nastiness of other people caused me to have a nervous breakdown even though i went on to have 2 children with him. well that relationship lasted about 8 years and i have now just started a relationship with someone 17 years younger and i do not give a s*** what anyone says, because we get on like we are made for each other, our personatlities are so compatable, i feel like i have been waiting for him all my life and he treats me with so much respect and regard and he is the epitomy of what a real man should be, i've met older men a lot less mature than him, believe me. But its so nice that people are not realising that adults (over 18) are adults and should be able to date whoever they wish without being slagged off by mindless idiots. ignore the haters, its just jealousy
—Guest couldntgiveacougarwhattheysay

cannot get men their own age

The name has been changed from cougar to pervert, the name men get called when they date younger women. cougars are women who can not get men their own age so they are attracted to someone younger [mother figure] and they say women mature faster than men grow up ladies and look how stupid you look.
—Guest Johnny

double standard?

why is it when an older man gets a younger woman ,he's the man but if a woman does it they give her the derogatory name of cougar? I am an older gentleman and I say, ladies go for what makes you feel good
—Guest sempercurious

Marrying a man the age of her children

I kind of resent the implication of the term "cougar." It is very predatory. I started becoming involved with my man the very day after my husband told me he was divorcing me. This guy rejoiced, he said later - he was attracted to me but knew I was married, and now I would be available. I, on the other hand, while attracted - sure, he was very handsome and concerned for how I felt about being dumped - was only too aware that I had two kids older than him! It took a few months before I could believe that he thought I was sexy, that he was "totally okay," as he put it, that I was so much older (Me-66, him-42), and that he wanted to take care of me. My having money isn't a part of it, because I don't have any, and it's touching how it concerns him that he be able to take care of me financially. We are getting married soon. I haven't told anyone, even my kids. We love each other very much, and don't care about age, and that should be all that matters!
—Guest Nadine


After reading some of these posts, I have to agree, the younger guys are much more social and loving than the 35+ single men out there. What happens to these older guys? Most seem like complete sticks in the mud. No wonder older women are going for the younger ones. I've never dated a younger guy but I'm tempted.
—Guest Laura

Cougar-Postive or Negative Image Women

The name "cougar" to depict an older women who dates or lives with a younger man is contexually a negative image of older women who date or love younger men. I do not think women who habitually date men several or many years their "junior", are wise women. No matter how youthful an older woman may appear, or how enthusiastic her younger love interest may be to date her, she must ask herself, "why is he interested in an older woman"? I live in a building where a much older woman is married to a younger man. When I first met them, I thought she was his mother. In spite of her losing about a hundred pounds and changing her hair color, their relationship is a struggle that has included a jail term and domestic violence. While it is true that a couple of comparable age could share similar problems, an older woman must face the fact that women age differently from men, and rarely will an older women's body not betray her age & her appeal in due time. Other age disparities will show.
—Guest Niva

why judge???

let face it guys! sex is a funny thing without any norms! people make it dirty or adventurous (e.g. anal sex for some would be a delight for others a sin...) differences make the world so who r we to judge! Some of u ladies had very hard comments!! Why? If u think that most yr bf or partners never thought of doing a older woman do not be fool! Its like saying they never watched porn or masturbated! Yes I know shocking right lol! For a man to go for younger ladies is nearly acceptable so why not for women??? At the end of the day, if it is for sex or relationship or else and if both parties r happy where is the problem…. I am in my early 30s am nor a cougar or old or do much younger than me but who know ladies when we will get there u never know…then I am sure u would not mind of not being judged! Don’t u think! Let them be!
—Guest free spirit

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