I think there are two slightly different issues here.
There's the issue of the actual word 'cougar.' My feeling is that it's more acceptable in the US than the UK. We did a survey to see what women thought of the word -- whether they'd like to be labeled as that. And 95% said, "No, it doesn't apply to us. We don't like that word."
Possibly in the UK it's more acceptable that a older woman should go out with a younger man. Every time a film star or pop star dates a younger man it puts the idea out there.
In the US some might see the word 'cougar' as positive because it's a beautiful animal; they like the idea of it and they don't see it as a stereotyped label whereas in the UK we fight labels more and it's not a badge of honor to be called a cougar -- it's seen as really derogatory.
We're going through a transition period. In the next generation it will be as normal for a woman to date a younger man as it always has been the other way around. We're fighting for equality in how we're being referred to as well as acceptance that a women can express her own sexuality.
Women are so critical of themselves when they're younger. But as we get older, particularly once we're into our 40s and 50s, we tend to become free of those former constraints. We'd like to see that freedom reflected in the partner we're with. Yet it seems that at the same time women become more free and liberated within themselves, men seem to shut down.
You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. Young men don't close down but older men do.
I've heard from women who say that if they go out with a man their age, generally he's been through a marriage and he's got a lot of baggage and the kids and the awful ex-wife that he goes on about. It's not much fun for a woman to deal with all of that.
Younger men don't tend to have that. They're much freer to appreciate a woman.
We get a lot of divorcees on the site that have just come out of a 15-year marriage. Maybe their husband hasn't paid them much attention and they haven't had sex for years and their self-esteem is at rock bottom; they think they're not attractive. But then they get adoring emails from young men who say, "You're so beautiful," and suddenly they realize how attractive they really are. It's the most enormous ego boost. They begin dressing up again and then relationships start and suddenly it's a whole new world for them.
Your website understands what a woman past a certain age wants, and you emphasize intelligence, elegance, and wit. How is it that you 'get' this when so many mainstream sites completely miss this?
I think it's because I'm one of the very few site owners that's a woman. Most sites are run by corporations with all-male boards. There are only a couple of sites that I know of that are founded by women, and women know what other women want.
All the marketing I do tends to be social media marketing aimed at women because we've never had problems getting men. There are three times as many men on the site as women. The more you move towards classy, intelligent, elegant, the more women will come. The more you move towards 'it's just about sex' the more you cut out a whole swath of women who wouldn't join that kind of site.
You can be sexy and intelligent -- that's going to come through in a site -- but you can't just push it as a sex site, because that will put a lot of women off.
I've tried to make sure that ToyboyWarehouse is responsive to our UK members. I've been good at listening to what they ask for. I'd like to hear what women want in the US version of ToyboyWarehouse. The tagline in the States will be "Where smart meets sexy" and I think that encapsulates what it's really all about.
