Unfortunately, it seems that boys are labeled and categorized by societal stereotypes. Sometimes stereotypes contribute to a boy's decision to make a choice. Other times stereotypes are used by people to justify an action or formulate an opinion of a boy and his behavior – even before they ever meet that child.
Influencing Nearly Everything We Do
According to science writer Lee Dye in the ABCNews.com article "Stereotypes Lead Boys to Prefer Drums to Violins," boys were more likely to choose to learn the drums over the violin.Dye states:
By the time he's reached the ripe old age of 5, if you ask a boy to decide which musical instrument he would like to play, most likely he'll head straight for the drums. Ask a girl, and she's more likely to pick up a flute, or a violin. Almost from the beginning, our sexual stereotypes have become so entrenched that they influence nearly everything we do, from the sports we play to the instruments we study to the careers we finally pick.As a mother to boys, I worry about how the pressures of social stereotypes interfere with a boy's ability to make decisions for himself, rather than to satisfy acceptable social rules or prevent being ridiculed or bullied for choices that go against the grain of stereotypes.
Expecting Certain Behaviors
Stereotypes cause us to expect certain behaviors from boys even though (more often than not) the stereotypes have no credibility. Yet stereotypes persist that boys are violent, drinking alcohol is cool, male jocks are dumb, and boys who like to dress nice must be gay.I want to raise boys who are comfortable enough with themselves to make decisions without succumbing to pressure (even if their choice is not the coolest option), boys who have respect for themselves and others.
Struggling With Emotion
As a parent, I realize how boys often need guidance navigating the rocky paths of relationships and emotions, especially when hot-button issues such as bullying are involved.The April 6, 2009 suicide of 11-year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, who hanged himself after enduring relentless bullying at school in Massachusetts, is another example of the damage that bullying causes when bullies are not reprimanded or consequences established. This death was one of at least four such suicides of a middle school-aged child this year.
Both the victim and the perpetrators were influenced by societal stereotypes, assumptions of how boy should act, and pressure to fit in.
Scientists generally agree that gender-specific behavior is a complicated mix of both nature and nurture. Boys are better at puzzle-solving and handling pressure than girls, but unlike girls they find it difficult to articulate how they feel. This is largely due to the fact that emotions are associated with the right side of the brain - which develops more slowly in boys than in girls. Boys are slower to start reading and therefore struggle with expressing their emotions.
Overcoming Stereotypes
What can you do to counteract all of this? Start early. Here are some ideas:- Inventory your own ingrained stereotypes. Don't ban your child from playing with toys that are gender-specific. Let him play with the toys that he enjoys.
- Allow your child to make his own choices, not yours. Consider what your home is like. Does it reinforce stereotypes?
- Use common sense as a parent. The most important thing we can do is foster the healthy development of our children's self-esteem. Having a healthy self-image and confidence is a character trait that gives children the ability to overcome differences.
- Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Listen to them. By listening, I mean drop what you're doing and face them when they want to talk to you. Give them your full undivided attention. If your child approaches you and you're half listening, before you know it they won't bother to talk to you as much because they'll start to feel that they're interrupting you. Or worse, they'll get the impression that you think speaking with them isn't as important as whatever task is at hand. If you keep the lines of communication open, they'll share more. You'll develop a stronger relationship and your children will be better equipped to handle life's challenges, whether big or small.
Mothers of boys face unique gender challenges as they work hard to ensure that their sons will grow up to be caring, responsible adult men. In an ongoing series of articles, Renee Martinez examines the intersection of motherhood and gender issues from the perspective of a mother raising boys.
