Hillary would spend hours dancing and spinning in the sun She saw herself as the only person in the whole world and imagine that if she whirled around, everyone else would vanish. But the best part was pretending that the sunlight was intended for her, beamed down by God, and that there were "heavenly movie cameras watching my every move."The 'stardom' she eventually achieved was far different from what she'd imagined. Cameras would come to watch her every move, but with far more critical scrutiny than benevolence. Her own star would rise as a result of her husband's fame and legacy - a mixed bag that came to hurt her own presidential aspirations. When Hillary chose Bill, in many ways she subjugated the woman she could have been for the woman she is now.She always saw herself as a star.
She made the same decisions many of us make, weighing various choices involving relationships, college and graduate school, job and career, becoming a mother, and balancing work and life. If they were not the right ones for her in the long run, she has lived with her regret as most women live with their own regrets. Only she knows what she has given up, and chances are she will never speak of that loss.
Hillary's Choice
The other loss - the more public, historic loss - her failed attempt at gaining the White House on her own merits - will be dissected and analyzed for years to come. In retrospect, one point has become clear : Her campaign was never truly her own, and our faith in her was never accurately placed. Our choice was always dependent on her choice - choosing love over work, a marriage over a career, relationship over achievement. And throughout her campaign the elephant in the room was Bill Clinton, who many believed could and would help his wife win the White House, but who ultimately sabotaged her.
Hillary Rodham Clinton could not be elected. For better or worse, the man who brought her political prominence and fame was also the albatross around her neck. Which brings us to the inevitable question: Suppose she never married him? Suppose Hillary Rodham had run for President?
What We Wanted
"What does Hilary want?" she asked the assembled crowd of supporters on June 3, 2008 - that final primary night.
What we wanted from Hillary was the campaign Hillary Rodham might have run: a campaign in which the merits and abilities of a self-made woman could stand up to any man in the country; a campaign that would highlight and emphasize success earned through achievement, not experiences gained through close proximity to a powerful spouse; a campaign in which a woman would forge her own path without help or hindrance from anyone else.
What we wanted from Hillary was a candidate who wasn't dogged by the question "Why does she stay with him?" and weighed down by a politically damaged spouse and a mixed-bag legacy; a candidate who seemed human and real and authentic, not guarded and emotionally distant and detached; a candidate who didn't come across as the overconfident and unflappable 'inevitable nominee' but as a sympathetic human being who openly acknowledged she'd never reach her goals without our support and our votes - and willingly connected with us to earn them. We wanted a candidate who needed us as much as we needed her.
In the end, Hillary didn't get what she wanted. And neither did we. Our choice was Hillary - perhaps not so much the candidate herself as much as what she represented. She was the wrong choice at the right time. But she was the only choice we had.
Her failed presidential bid, as she says, made it " unremarkable to think that a woman can be the president of the United States." We can only hope that when the right time presents itself, we will finally have in front of us the right choice in the voting booth.
Choosing the First Woman President
It remains to be seen whether or not the first woman elected president will be single or married; childless or a mother (or grandmother); a political spouse who runs for office after her husband's time has come and gone, or a lifelong professional woman who has always put her career first. Chances are, knowing the choices women have to make every day of their lives, it'll be some combination of all of the above. But for her - and for the nation that chooses her as President - it will be the right choice at last.
Sources:
Sheehy, Gail. Hillary's Choice. Random House, 1999.
Gilligan, Carol. In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development. Harvard University Press, 1982.
