Jack Welch and Work-Life Balance - My Week of Trying to Do It All

While the blogosphere went crazy earlier this week over Jack Welch's comment, "There's no such thing as a work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences," I was blissfully ignorant of the brouhaha because I was "living the dream" -- or the nightmare -- of trying to do it all.

At the very moment Wall Street Journal online went live with Welch's remark, I was in the midst of a mad dash down the East Coast and across the Midwest in under 24 hours, all in the name of work-life balance.

Over 1,000 Miles in 23 Hours
Here's the story:
I had planned to be in Chicago Wednesday afternoon at 1 pm with my daughter Jaye for two days of college orientation when I received exciting news -- I'd won an EMMA (Exceptional Merit in Media Award) from the National Women's Political Caucus (NWPC). They'd be giving out the awards at the National Press Club in Washington, DC at 6 pm Tuesday night.

Airfare and train travel were not vialble options, so that left traveling by car.

My East Coast hometown is a 375-mile 7-hour drive from DC. From DC to Chicago is another 12-hour 700-mile trip. If I drove 1075 miles in just under 24 hours I could fit it all in.

So that's what I did.

I left home at 11 am Tuesday, got to Washington by 6:30 pm, attended the awards ceremony (emceed by actress Tyne Daly of Cagney & Lacey fame), jumped in the car at 9:30 pm, drove overnight to Chicago and arrived at 10 am Wednesday.

Friends - Making the Impossible Possible
Like most women attempting the impossible, I relied on friends for help. My twentysomething friend/neighbor Ben agreed to be my driver; unemployed due to the economic downturn, he was ready for an adventure. He drove 18 hours until sheer exhaustion took over; I took over for the final 2.

After a day-and-a-half of orientation activities, we left Chicago at 7 pm Thursday; Ben drove all night and we arrived home at 7 am this morning.

Balance Isn't Pretty
The nitty gritty details paint a true picture of 'balance,' and it's not pretty. Balance requires crazy amounts of hard work behind the scenes to make everything possible. Even if it goes off smoothly, we're not always in the right frame of mind to fully appreciate the glory of 'having it all.'

Was it ideal to accept a prestigious award dull of mind and rumpled in body after nearly 8 hours in a car? Not really. To quote a reality TV star, I looked like "a hot mess." But it was exciting to step foot in the National Press Club; shake Tyne Daly's hand; meet a handful of influential Congresswomen; and see fellow EMMA winner, author and first female White House press secretary Dee Dee Myers.

Was it ideal to arrive in a city like Chicago with very little sleep? Not really. I had to pay $100 extra for early hotel check-in. But Jaye needed a shower before orientation and Ben needed sleep. When evening rolled around, Jaye and I were too tired to enjoy Chicago's lively nightlife. Instead, we walked to nearby Grant Park and watched twilight fall over the city and the park's famous Buckingham Fountain.

Deciding Who/What Comes First
I almost didn't go to DC. To be honest, I initially told the NWPC that I probably wouldn't attend. As serious as I am about my career, I instinctively chose family first.

But family, friends, and my ever-supportive husband convinced me that it would be crazy not to accept the award in person.

Seesaw Reality
Making my mad dash across the Eastern seaboard I wondered, "Is this what 'balance' is all about?" If so, it was as precarious as the game I played as a child on the playground seesaw. Sitting in midair with my feet dangling, I knew how careful I needed to be to maintain my teetering balance. The slightest move would send me catapulting skyward or crashing down.

State of Flux
It's no different as an adult, although our attempts at achieving balance center around the workplace instead of the playground.

Balance is not a steady state of being. It's a position one can maintain only through constant vigilance.

My balance could not have been possible without my friend and driver Ben.

Other women create their own mechanisms to support a balance that is at best shaky.

Balance can never exist as a fixed point in reality. Because it forms at the intersection of many, many decisions, balance is in a constant state of flux. We regard it as a zen state of being, but achieving work-life balance is anything but peaceful.

Plus and Minus
The consequences of my choices are both good and bad.

In the plus column: I was able to receive my EMMA in person and attend Jaye's orientation; the former provided excellent professional connections and the latter eased my mind about her transition to college.

In the minus column: I missed all the testimony and media coverage of the Sotomayor hearings -- a historic moment I should have been following closely and blogging about. I am still on sleep deficit, I feel lousy, and I have a mountain of career and family obligations I still have to meet.

Heading Off Regret
Finding balance in work-life situations isn't really the issue. At the heart of the matter is regret.

Every choice leads to action and inaction. Sometimes those actions benefit our families more than our careers. Other times we put our lives and families on hold and focus on work. But instead of focusing on balance, perhaps we should consider regret.

Maybe the more relevant questions are these:

• In the long run, what decisions will lead to greater regret?
• Will there ever come a time in my life when I look back on a given decision and wish I had a do-over?
• What can I do now to minimize regret down the road?

"What Life Would Have Been Like'

My daughter Jaye has given me a new perspective on regret.

In this tough economy, she's decided to study theatre instead of choosing a more 'practical' major. Although I once heard that 95% of theatre majors never find steady work in their field, she explained why she's still going for it: "I can always make a living as a waitress or a temp while I pursue acting, and I can always go back to school later on and study something else. But if I don't opt for theatre now, I'll always regret that I didn't go for it. I'll always wonder what my life would have been like."

The Toll of Balance
I don't regret my choices of the past four days , but in trying to do it all and 'balance' my daughter's needs with my own, I am physically exhausted. This week has shown me that 'doing it all' takes its toll. I'm glad I'm only called upon to make this kind of choice once or twice a year. To live like this every day? Well, that would be inhuman. Impossible.

Unbalanced.