Miley Cyrus and the Paradox of a Real Live Flesh and Blood Girl

What's the big deal over a handful of photographs?

Another teen idol takes a tumble. We'e all seen this happen before.

Why the concern over Miley Cyrus and 'Mileygate'?

As Women and Mothers See It

A few thoughtful voices singled out from the screaming blogosphere make meaningful points within the larger context:

• In Just Another Pretty Farce, Katherine Coble says, "We’ve all seen so much sexy that we’re mostly immune to the Baby Hooker look that Cyrus sports on a regular basis. The Leibowitz Picture, however, presents an entirely different image. It makes Cyrus look like what she is."

• In Contemplating Miley Cyrus, Aunt Gabby (who teaches 9th and 10th graders) writes, "I don’t feel sorry for Miley Cyrus, but I do understand the predicament of wanting to play grown-up, something she is asked to do at every turn when she’s not on her Disney show, yet retain her little girl-ness."

• Shannon, the Oklahoma mom behind Rocks in My Dryer is furious and complains that Disney and Vanity Fair "have now put me, as a parent, in the position of having to discuss topless photos with my sons (this WILL be discussed on the playground, you can be sure of it, and I want my kids to hear my perspective first)."

• Jane at What About Mom? doesn't feel the photos are a cause for surprise and observes, "I think the greatest lesson to be learned here is about peer pressure, and how it can trick even parents, even sophisticated (one imagines), fame-experienced grown-ups."

Frenzy Surrounding 'Mileygate'

The individual voices and reactions are a good lead-in to what the media is picking up on: Parents are deeply upset. The Chicago Tribune reports:

Now, as the days pass and the "Mileygate" photo furor refuses to die down, parents are grappling with what to tell their children, and it is becoming increasingly clear that this public relations nightmare could have lasting consequences for Disney, the gold standard for inoffensive child entertainment, and Cyrus, perhaps the most popular young star in America.

"I think events like this really drive home to parents how much they're fighting an uphill battle against the values being presented to our children on TV and in movies, videos and music," said Marj Adler, a parenting counselor in Madison, Conn. "Kids see images like this and start to think, 'Hey, this is how I'm supposed to look too.'"

Animated For a Reason

My own teenage daughters are too old to be affected by Mileygate. But here's what puzzles me. During the course of their childhood, animated characters were the role model of choice. Barney the Dinosaur, Blue's Clues, Dora the Explorer, Arthur. Animated characters (or humans wearing dinosaur suits) will never do you wrong. You can script them, control them, make sure every word that comes out of their mouths are vetted by educators and child psychologists.

Not so with a real live flesh and blood girl, especially one going through the difficult, painful, and emotional adolescent years. For Disney and others to put all their eggs in this one lucrative basket has always seemed dangerous to me. You can't encase her in Lucite, freeze her in a permanent state of youthful innocence, stop her from a destiny that is determined by biology.

A real live flesh and blood girl can't stay a girl forever.She will grow up.

And growing up in the fishbowl of celebrity is not normal. In fact, I wouldn't wish it on my own children. For every Hillary Duff or Amanda Bynes who ages gracefully and scandal-free, there is a corresponding Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

Real Girls in Real Life

To grow up healthily, to grow up normally, there's going to be some experimentation. Some physical manifestation of the emerging sexual self. Some push towards independence and some attempt at looking or acting like a woman.

In our own day-to-day lives, we would not encourage our 3-4 year old daughters to emulate or look up to their 15-year-old babysitters. As nice as they may seem, as sweet and straight-A as they may appear, they are young women in transition and prone to the changeability of any teen pressured by our culture.

So why would we expect anything different from a manufactured teen pop star, a well-maintained Disney brand that has so skillfully parted millions of parents from hundreds of dollars spent on Hannah Montana clothing and accessories and toys and concert tickets?

Kinder, Gentler Preschool Role Models

Maybe our parents' generation was right. Maybe there was a reason why slow-speaking, smiling daddy or grandpa types like Mr. Rogers or Captain Kangaroo were the media darlings of the preschool set at one time. As parents themselves, Fred Rogers and Bob Keeshan understood the responsibility invested in them, and they both spent decades on the air, neither sullying their reputations or the content of their shows.

Indiscretions of a Cash Cow

I realize the world has changed. But how much has childhood changed? The 'best of both worlds' idea that a young girl can be a part-time pop star and then a normal kid may be appealing, but ultimately sends kids the wrong message. Aren't we good enough just being ourselves? Do we have to be famous to be special? And if we're famous, don't we have a responsibility to be a consistently good role model? You can't reasonably expect a 15-year-old to carry that burden of responsibility, and you can't trust that a former country music star dad won't try to keep the spotlight on a daughter who's not only the family's cash cow, but a way for him to remain in the light as well. And maintaining that spotlight involves saying yes to everything that comes along.

Yes, Miley has tumbled due in part to her Vanity Fair photo spread and the internet photos circulating at the same time. Individually, she might have been able to get past one or the other. But together, it's a one-two punch that has knocked Disney for a loop. They need to be hit in the pocketbook as well to understand that our children deserve better. And that where a real live flesh and blood girl is concerned, change is to be expected.

Photo © Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images