Although abortion has been legal in the U.S. for over three decades, the decision to terminate a pregnancy is a topic rarely discussed openly. If you've had an abortion, what was your reason for doing so? Share your story in making this difficult decision...and rest assured that your privacy will be maintained and your choice will be respected and not debated here. The intent is to provide guidance for other women confronting this situation in the context of their own lives.
best decision for me
- I had an abortion when I was 19 yrs old. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever have an abortion. Anyway, I felt I was too young, financially unstable to raise a child on my own (my boyfriend at the time and I had broken up a month prior to me finding out about the pregnancy). I knew I had to experience life more and get my act together before I could bring a child into this world. Education was also a factor for me. I wanted to continue school and felt having a child would deter me from accomplishing my goals and aspirations. Many factors led to my decision, but it wasn't an easy one to make. I never have regretted my decision but that's not to say that I wasn't an emotional wreck for quite some time after that experience.Sometimes, I wonder "what if..." but I know it was the best decision at the time given my circumstances.
- —Guest annie
my baby was disabled
- --and my husband could not bear to raise a child with special needs. He was suicidal. I felt I owed it to my two older children to keep their father in their life. I terminated my pregnancy at 17 weeks and I'm grateful that it was legal to do so (even though it was extremely difficult, both emotionally or logistically). I wanted that baby very much and I miss him every day.
- —Guest simone
Matter of who's life ?
- It was 1972 in January, just after Roe and Wade.It was a time when single mothers were shunned. They wasn't any form of help for single women. Because of my pregnancy, I became homeless, I'd been staying with a widow who had rooms for single girls, I was kicked out my church (they said I could come back when the situation was taken care of). My family turned their backs on me. My boyfriend was getting a divorce. I was desperate, suicidal! It came down to making the final decison of TAKING MY BABY'S LIFE OR MY OWN! I've been able to cope and deal with this decision. Since then I've gone through much counseling although on the anniversary date,I break down. The pain will never go away. When looking back, I know that I did the only thing I could back then. Today I"m doing well and I have helped many girls who find themselves where I was. I am so grateful for the women of today. There are so many services, especially counseling available for them . FREEDOM OF CHOICE IS VITAL FOR WOMEN.
- —Guest Vicki
It was the only way
- I was 19 yrs old when I got pregnant using an IUD. I had quit taking birth control pills because they made my migraine headache worse. I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant because I thought the IUD was as good as birth control pills.
After I found out, my reaction was "I'm going to keep it" but when I told my mother she advised me that if I did that, I wouldn't be able to finish college, and I wouldn't be able to take care of the child financially. The father of the baby was younger than me, so he couldn't provide for a child either. I felt pressured in some ways, but it was still my decision.
I am glad it is a woman's right to choose whether to keep or terminate a pregnancy, however it is not an easy thing to do for most women. I know a lot of people think that having an abortion is no big deal but they're wrong. It haunts me, especially around the time of year that the abortion was performed. I felt like I had no other choice at the time, and it makes me incredibly sad.
- —Guest Kristi
- I was 19 at the time. I was not in a relationship with the father and he wanted me to get an abortion. I was not going to get one at first. Prior to me finding out my mom said I had until June to find a place of my own. I had two jobs. I made the decision to have an abortion because I had to move out. Money would have been tight, I was in school, and I was not ready. My major reason for getting an abortion was because the pregnancy made me really sick I was vomiting every day constantly. I didn't eat anything for a whole week literally. It would not have been healthy for the baby. I could barely drink anything because it would come right back up. I could barely work. I kept getting sick at one job and at my other job I was working in heat and had too many close calls and nearly passed out. I had no insurance. So the best thing for me to do was get an abortion. Plus I could never give my baby away. I would feel too attached.
- —Guest Danielle
No regrets but still think about it
- I never thought it would happen to me, but I chose an abortion because I couldn't see a way to raise two children on one income. My husband and I had separated, I was raising a child on my own in a new town with no resources, no family, and a limited income, and I became pregnant.
I thought long and hard about it. But I wasn't in a good place to raise another baby and take care of my 3-year-old. So I had an abortion in my first trimester.
A few months later my husband and I worked things out and got back together. We had another child two years later. I know I could play the "what if" game but I'm not gonna go there. If I'd had the baby, maybe we wouldn't have gotten back together. It's hard to know, but I made the best choice at the time.
- —Guest Mandy
- My recently published novel, "Among Us Women," explores the opposing views of three women regarding abortion and their involvement in the opening of a women's health clinic in their town, where women get counseling and if they want, abortions. In addition to reasons women give, as you state in your article, is not wanting a deformed baby with its demands on a family, another determination chosen by a pro-life family in the book. One of the characters demands that her daughter marry rather than have an abortion. A second, having a problem becoming pregnant, rails against women "who so callously abort when so many of us are desperate to have a baby." And the third woman has an abortion when her lover insists but feels no guilt about doing so.
I show no bias while revealing these personal confidences and their resolutions, and without doing so in the novel, will say that my own personal belief is whatever action a woman takes it is a question that should up to her conscience.
- —Guest Joan Lerner, Author of Among Us Women
i dont know what to do
- About a month ago i found out i was 8 weeks pregnant and goin on the 9 week i had a miscarriage but pior to that i was already setting up my appointment to get an abortion , once i had the miscarriage i felt sad and more emotional then i did before (at first i didn't care about the baby) after that i wasnt putting myself in the position again, well i was wrong . Condom broke on me and my bf now i have to be a couple weeks and i know we cannot financially afford a baby or am i really willing to give up my life ill be turning 21 in 4 months and i haven't even started school yet which i was goin to start , best option would be to terminate my pregnancy but my heart says no idk what to do pray for me
- —Guest annie
Regret It now, didnt at the time
- I was 25 years old and found out that my BF of a year and I were pregnant. I was shocked and scared because we had just moved in together and was still in the honeymoon stages of our relationship which I thought was perfect. I quickly made the decision to abort because I was just beginning to go through the processes of getting my dream career and felt that having a child would not only ruin my career but ruin my carefree life where I could do anything I wanted whenever I wanted. My BF was super supportive in whatever I wanted to do. I think he may have really wanted to keep it tho. I thought I was sure. After I had the abortion I felt I made the right choice. However, my career plans fell through the cracks shortly after and our relationship crumbled a few months later. I am stricken with so much guilt. I work around the public so it hurts my heart to see families and children everywhere I go. I get anxiety going near baby aisles in stores or seeing pregnant ladies. I say Never again.
- —Guest Meleana
I am Evil
- I dated a Christian guy. Things between us are doing great. Only that my parents and everyone else did not approve of what was becoming of us so we kept our dating in secrecy. We kept it for about a year. I could sayvwe are pretty much intimate with each other and just as you guess, we crossed the line (He was my first boyfriend at the age of 23-he was 22 and I lost my virginity to him). It continued to be like that until one night that we did it, I felt something weird. I knew then that I am going to get pregnant and I was right. We, having the same beliefs, considered our options. I was very confused and scared. But the guy, was way beyond that. He was about ten times as confused and scared as I am. I take the blame of considering abortion. He knows I will do it and he begged me not to but he did not know what to do and he do not want to do anything with my condition. He left me when I needed him the most. So I took the fall. I did it. The guy knows that I will do it. He even assured me that he cares for me much more and he‘ll stick around (now he‘s married to someone else). I can‘t bear the shame that my family and the church will have to face because of my condition. Everything was just in my head. I had abortion. I deliberately defied what God said. I am evil. I could not imagine now why I had to resort to that. Now I feel as though I am unpardonable. That perhaps, God being so mad at me just cut me off. I take the blame. I just know that had the guy stood up for me, it would have been a different story.
- —Guest murderess
No regrets. I just did not want a kid.
- I basically track the living hell out of my menstrual cycle, I've always been that way. So, in any case, our family is complete with a boy and a girl, 7 years apart. I can't handle anymore kids. I do not want to deal with anymore babies. No way. I found out I was pregnant very early a few times (my clockwork period did not show up by day 3) and I took tests, and found out what was up. They were positive. I used home remedies with much success to "bring on my period" and it was just a little crampy but nothing major. To be honest, I really have no ill feelings about it or sadness. I have had 2 miscarriages before too, and it was very empowering to be in full control of my body. I will never have another child and I say that with absolution and conviction. I will destroy it by day 6. Call me evil, Satan's Demoness, whatever. I am married and I don't have the nerves or funds to provide from another kid. The ones I have already drive me crazy. Bow, there's some real talk.
- —Guest Talara
Never thought It would be me.
- For a while I had my ups and downs about how I felt about abortions and pro-choice. I was on birth control for about a year and half then couldn't afford them after the clinic couldn't give me anymore free ones. I also didn't be more careful and use condoms for protection so for four years I was prego free till I the last month of being 19. I found out I was pregnant and didn't know what to do. My boyfriend wants to keep it but I was torn between wanting it and aborting it. I just can't handle the thought of adoption and I'm not mentally and physically stable to have this child. I choose to get an abortion. It kills me to have to get rid of this baby but I just can' t bring another life into this world until I have enough strength to take care of myself. Prior to pregnancy, I've been dealing with a lot of stress and depression. Its hard but its the best thing right now. I promised myself to be celibate after this and get healthier so my baby can have the world.
- —Guest ImNotReady
It was the best choice
- I was 37 years old. I was a single mother, recently divorced after 12 years of marriage. I had been a single mother before I met my ex-husband and had my second baby. At the time of the abortion my kids were 13 and 14. I worked 12 hour shifts that frequently ended up being 15 hour shifts (I am a nurse). No daycare is open those hours. I could have found a different job with office hours but it wasn't guaranteed. Also, I would not have qualify for FMLA at the time of birth if I got a different job. Even if I already had an office job and could have qualified for FMLA then I still can't affor the 100$/week daycare. I had my 2 other kids to think about and the father of the pregnancy felt we couldn't handle it either (a baby). Our relationship was troubled and my kids did not like him much at the time after me going through a divorce and the fracture in their lives. I did not want to go through another pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood ever again without 2 parent family.
- —Guest Sameasalways
- I have a 5 month old daughter that means more than life to me. I made a stupid decision to not go get birth control and now I'm 7 weeks pregnant. I dont believe i can do this,but I can barely afford my baby girl. Me and my bf want this baby, so bad but it's just not a good choice. we have tons of things stacked against us already. Someone please pray for me. I hope God, my daughter, and my angel baby forgive me. I'm so sorry.
- —Guest Mommy of 5 month old
My abortion experience
- I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant and have always been against abortion. My boyfriend and I were back and forth on what we should do, he never told me his true feelings only what his family would think so I went and did the medical abortion. My wrong decision I've ever made and I can't take it back. If I could go back I would not have made that decision, I feel like a murderer for killing my unborn baby. How could I make such a decision, now I live with depression and regret. Really think it through if you are thinking about getting one.
- —Guest Lost in emotions