Although abortion has been legal in the U.S. for over three decades, the decision to terminate a pregnancy is a topic rarely discussed openly. If you've had an abortion, what was your reason for doing so? Share your story in making this difficult decision...and rest assured that your privacy will be maintained and your choice will be respected and not debated here. The intent is to provide guidance for other women confronting this situation in the context of their own lives.
best decision for me
- I had an abortion when I was 19 yrs old. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever have an abortion. Anyway, I felt I was too young, financially unstable to raise a child on my own (my boyfriend at the time and I had broken up a month prior to me finding out about the pregnancy). I knew I had to experience life more and get my act together before I could bring a child into this world. Education was also a factor for me. I wanted to continue school and felt having a child would deter me from accomplishing my goals and aspirations. Many factors led to my decision, but it wasn't an easy one to make. I never have regretted my decision but that's not to say that I wasn't an emotional wreck for quite some time after that experience.Sometimes, I wonder "what if..." but I know it was the best decision at the time given my circumstances.
- —Guest annie
my baby was disabled
- --and my husband could not bear to raise a child with special needs. He was suicidal. I felt I owed it to my two older children to keep their father in their life. I terminated my pregnancy at 17 weeks and I'm grateful that it was legal to do so (even though it was extremely difficult, both emotionally or logistically). I wanted that baby very much and I miss him every day.
- —Guest simone
Matter of who's life ?
- It was 1972 in January, just after Roe and Wade.It was a time when single mothers were shunned. They wasn't any form of help for single women. Because of my pregnancy, I became homeless, I'd been staying with a widow who had rooms for single girls, I was kicked out my church (they said I could come back when the situation was taken care of). My family turned their backs on me. My boyfriend was getting a divorce. I was desperate, suicidal! It came down to making the final decison of TAKING MY BABY'S LIFE OR MY OWN! I've been able to cope and deal with this decision. Since then I've gone through much counseling although on the anniversary date,I break down. The pain will never go away. When looking back, I know that I did the only thing I could back then. Today I"m doing well and I have helped many girls who find themselves where I was. I am so grateful for the women of today. There are so many services, especially counseling available for them . FREEDOM OF CHOICE IS VITAL FOR WOMEN.
- —Guest Vicki
It was the only way
- I was 19 yrs old when I got pregnant using an IUD. I had quit taking birth control pills because they made my migraine headache worse. I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant because I thought the IUD was as good as birth control pills.
After I found out, my reaction was "I'm going to keep it" but when I told my mother she advised me that if I did that, I wouldn't be able to finish college, and I wouldn't be able to take care of the child financially. The father of the baby was younger than me, so he couldn't provide for a child either. I felt pressured in some ways, but it was still my decision.
I am glad it is a woman's right to choose whether to keep or terminate a pregnancy, however it is not an easy thing to do for most women. I know a lot of people think that having an abortion is no big deal but they're wrong. It haunts me, especially around the time of year that the abortion was performed. I felt like I had no other choice at the time, and it makes me incredibly sad.
- —Guest Kristi
- I was 19 at the time. I was not in a relationship with the father and he wanted me to get an abortion. I was not going to get one at first. Prior to me finding out my mom said I had until June to find a place of my own. I had two jobs. I made the decision to have an abortion because I had to move out. Money would have been tight, I was in school, and I was not ready. My major reason for getting an abortion was because the pregnancy made me really sick I was vomiting every day constantly. I didn't eat anything for a whole week literally. It would not have been healthy for the baby. I could barely drink anything because it would come right back up. I could barely work. I kept getting sick at one job and at my other job I was working in heat and had too many close calls and nearly passed out. I had no insurance. So the best thing for me to do was get an abortion. Plus I could never give my baby away. I would feel too attached.
- —Guest Danielle
No regrets but still think about it
- I never thought it would happen to me, but I chose an abortion because I couldn't see a way to raise two children on one income. My husband and I had separated, I was raising a child on my own in a new town with no resources, no family, and a limited income, and I became pregnant.
I thought long and hard about it. But I wasn't in a good place to raise another baby and take care of my 3-year-old. So I had an abortion in my first trimester.
A few months later my husband and I worked things out and got back together. We had another child two years later. I know I could play the "what if" game but I'm not gonna go there. If I'd had the baby, maybe we wouldn't have gotten back together. It's hard to know, but I made the best choice at the time.
- —Guest Mandy
- My recently published novel, "Among Us Women," explores the opposing views of three women regarding abortion and their involvement in the opening of a women's health clinic in their town, where women get counseling and if they want, abortions. In addition to reasons women give, as you state in your article, is not wanting a deformed baby with its demands on a family, another determination chosen by a pro-life family in the book. One of the characters demands that her daughter marry rather than have an abortion. A second, having a problem becoming pregnant, rails against women "who so callously abort when so many of us are desperate to have a baby." And the third woman has an abortion when her lover insists but feels no guilt about doing so.
I show no bias while revealing these personal confidences and their resolutions, and without doing so in the novel, will say that my own personal belief is whatever action a woman takes it is a question that should up to her conscience.
- —Guest Joan Lerner, Author of Among Us Women
dont want to mess up my body
- Im a fitness and swimsuit model. I had my abortions because if I kept it, my body would've messed up. Stretch marks, sagging breasts, etc. It would b difficult to continue a career that relies on good looks even after having a baby. That's why I'm so sick of being told that adoption is an option for me. I don't sit behind a desk all day answering phones. I would b out of work for 9 months of I had to put modeling on hold. And maybe not even get booked anymore because my body would b ruined! Another simple reason is that I just plain don't care for having a child! I don't hate children or anything I just don't like that they're sticky and smell in they're diapers. Just not for me. Another thing that really shocks me is how sad everyone says they are after getting one. I never feel sad or empty. Why? I don't get that. I think a woman already has serious mental and attachment issues if she gets so sad because she gave up something she never had in the first place.
- —Guest hello210
i regret it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- i aborted my twins at 8.5 weeks. i am a single mom of two girls . i was going to keep the babies i provide and care for my girls now very well and independently but was scared about the two new babies thats a lot for one person. i told my parents and they flipped and told me abortion would be the best choice. i did it . it made me not worried about having twins because they are gone now. and now i miss my babies. i wish they were still inside me morning sickness and all. :(
- —Guest melissa
- I terminated a pregnancy at 8 weeks because it was not right bringing a child in the world with out a social network of family friends and financial stability to care for both of us. I knew that having a child was going to be my responsibility and not that of any religious organization or the government. It is selfish to bring an unloved and unwanted child into the world because it imposes suffering on both the child and the mother. The child deserves to have the best chance in life and to grow up happy and healthy. A woman always knows what is best for her circumstances.
- I'm married w/ 2kids: 4&3yrs old. My marriage is bout to end, now i'm 11.5wks along. We were supposed to keep this a secret until further genetic testing (my 2nd child was born terminally ill-genetic) i was forced 2tell my mom. Now her&myhusband are
pushing me 2terminate. My gut says no but i also KNOW i can't be a good single mom of 3kids.... Idk what to do. I have appt in 4days to terminate but i don't think i can do it... Any suggestions?! Please email me!!
PLEASE HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP !!!
- —Guest mamabear
lifes already complicated
- well i had my first child at 19 and i jst found out im pregnant again..im now 20 and my daughter will b 1 in two months...its already extremely hard wit one ...finding a baby sitter..trynna stay focused on skool.its hard but ive decided to get an abortion...im so scared and terrified but i kno dis is da best decision i cud make...im definitely goin to b more careful because i never wanna have to go thru dis again
- —Guest benisha
one day at a time
- im 20 when i found out i was pregnant i was 4 wks & had only been seeing the father for 5 wks. when i told him he told me he wanted me to have an abortion but i wanted to keep my baby so he broke up with me. when i told my family most of them were good except my dad who told me if i went through with i would be kicked out and cut off. being raised by a single mother i wasnt scared about that or finacial strain. by the time i was 10 wks i started thinking about my mental health- ive a history of depression i was worried that if i relapsed what would happen to my child when no one else was responsible for them. i had my abortion 10 days ago and so far its been really hard i know it sounds stupid because i was so early in my pregnancy but i loved that child and wish it could of been differant. for those people who are considering abortion i would only recomend it for those who can reasure themselves in the worst of it that you did it for the right reason.
- —Guest upset
im so hurt
- i had two abortions with in the last year in a half. my boyfriend who is 21 and i am 19 wanted to keep the baby. he wanted me to keep this baby because his other girls in the past hadn't. i still live at home with my mom and he lives with us too. he was working for a teen program earning a 75 dollar check every two weeks. i am at a program where i get a check for 450 evey two weeks. i didnt want to do it but felt like i had to. he wanted to go to job corps this sept but that would have left me witha new born and no income because i graduate from my program july. if i dont get hiried by my intership then i would be ass out. he then cheated on me and tells me i hurt him and that i know his past. but he doesnt understand that having a child is hard and that we dont nor did we have the funds. we live in a room together and we both dont have much to wanna rush into having a child around...do you think im wrong? i told him i am very sorry from the bottom of my heart i wanted to keep it!
- —Guest love hurts
- I am 18 my unborn child's father is 38. Since I've found out I was pregnant things began to go downhill for us. He's been having relations with other females and he doesn't support me when I need it. I feel very down and emotional a lot. I was supposed to get an abortion about 2weeks ago but he stopped me. I think it's because he wants me to need him. He has 6 children already. This is my first pregnancy I am 12 weeks. I wonder if I should just get the abortion or carry on and refresh an unconditional love for my child. If anyone has any advice please feel free to voice your opinion on my situation.
- —Guest Janea