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Readers Respond: Cheating Husband, Cheating Boyfriend - What Did You Do About It?

Responses: 287

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Fool's Gold

I met my boyfriend when we were 16. We stayed together until we were 21 when I broke up with him. We had a very good relationship and he was very supportive of me when my family abandoned me as a teenager (he and his mom took me in). The second time I ever had sex was with him and the last time I had sex was with him. That was almost 2 years ago. He cheated on me with my best friend, both of whom I trusted more than anyone else. When I found out, I blacked out. She wouldn't come clean. I cut off my friendship with her even though for a year afterward she kept saying it didn't happen (she finally came clean). I took him back after a few months and I really did forgive him but I wasn't sure if he could really be trusted long term after that. He said he wouldn't get married until he was at least 30 but now he's engaged to a girl he's known less than a year. They're getting married on the same day I left him when I moved to another state.
—Guest Jess

Can't believe I stayed

I have had the same boyfriend for the past six years. I learned two years ago that he cheated on me with numerous women but after talking to him about it I decided that we were both young and had the right to make mistakes. Now still after six years I've again found out he has never stopped. I'm beyond broken from this...and his response was, "You chose to stay knowing I did it."
—Guest Nicole

Who has more balls???

My huband of 20 years has a girlfriend, and she calls me and tells me she's done with his lies too. Told me they have been having an affair for years and that he kept telling her he was going to leave me but he never did. He promised her trips and cruises. I was stunned. I had been suspicious but had no proof, and he had an excuse (lie) for everything. Plus he drinks, and a couple of her stories matched the time frame I was suspicious of. Has anyone ever had the girlfriend call them???When he walked in the door from work that day, I asked him about it. He just stood there. He knew something was up. I said, "Would you like to guess who I just got off the phone with??" This has been the most painful thing. I later found out he hadn't paid the mortage in two months and stupid me -- a part of me still loves him but I'll never TRUST him again.
—Guest done with liars

Only a month in

My boyfriend lost his virginity to me a month and a day before we dated. He was 17 at the time and went into a sex craze. He slept with two other girls (once each) but in between and afterwards would come back to me. Finally we actually got together, but one month in he cheated on me with my ex-girlfriend. I'd had an awful relationship with her that he knew everything about. That hurt me, but he came over the next day and confessed and cried. Since then he hasn't cheated, but he's confessed feelings for other girls and has gone behind my back while I was out of town to see a girl I didn't like. We're now over two years into the relationship, and though I have been hurt and distrustful, we talked it out and he has been forgiven. I am living with him now, and our life together has been wonderful. It's been almost a year since any incident, and I wholeheartedly believe in him. I feel lucky that he slept with others before us and he told me I was always the best physically and emotionally.
—Guest forgiveandmoveon

Help me

i have been with this man for 3 years -- I am a 56 year old widow. We had a great sexual relationship plus more...then I went to a wedding and started talking to a lady; during our conversation I found out she is married to the man that I have been seeing. I told her everything and she didn't even get upset...I felt like I was going to drop dead. Now he is not talking to me. He is acting like it was all my fault. What do I do now? Everyone always feels sorry for the wife, but what about me??? I am devastated.
—Guest patti

Trying to pick up the pieces

Three years ago, I found 2 emails from and to my boyfriend from a female friend from high school (a girl he always wanted) who was "taking a break" from her then current relationship. It was a sexual survey, posing questions of what they would do to each other. He responded vividly. Imagine my pain & how I went on the attack. Fast forward to February of this year. The same woman has gotten a divorce from her husband and I told my boyfriend that she would come after him. She did. He responded by telling me he was leaving me after 5 1/2 years for someone who NEVER wanted him at all. Said all he did was hug and kiss her on the cheek. Darn that Facebook & her ignorance...she posted photos of them kissing for all to see. After much talking and crying, he & I got to the heart of why we were put together in this world & he decided to stay with me. Moved into our own place & have not stopped enjoying each other since. There is light on the other side of the darkness of betrayal....
—Guest Chalice guest

MY HUSBAND IS A SERIAL CHEATER

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and we have a 7 year old daughter. Ever since I've been with him he has cheated on me with several women. He admitted to cheating on me only a month after we were married (we've been married for a year now) and every month I find out about different women. I truly think my husband does not love me, not to mention he barely wants to have sex with me, but I can't seem to leave him alone. I love him so much and I can't bear to see him with somebody else. What should I do?
—Guest mshurt

Confused...a lot

I'm 17 and I met this guy in November. Almost every Saturday I would spend with him at his house and we would always have a good time. He always wanted me to go somewhere with him and asked me if I wanted to go without hesitation. When he moved out on his own from his uncle he began to give me sob stories about the toll was too much to pay and he got mad any time I couldn't come see him. When his birthday came and he turned 20 he asked me to spend the night with him and I said I would find a way to do it. But it didn't work out and he yelled at me and stopped talking to me that night. The next day he asked me to move in with him and I said okay. But a month later (which was not even a full month) just this Friday I found out that he cheated on me and the girl was pregnant. At first he told me it was before we started talking but I started bugging him about how far and her name and he finally told me he did it often. Now I don't know why I can't bring myself to break up with him. I love him so much and he's the first guy that I've been able to declare my love for to everyone. He gave a heartfelt apology and everything. I just don't know what to do
—sjackson9312

Why lie if you're already busted?

My boyfriend of 2 months is cheating on me every time he goes out of town to see his family, but he still denies it. I want him to just tell me the truth and he won't -- he says that all these girls are liars. Every time he leaves for the weekend some girl sends me a message telling me how he was with her all weekend. I don't know what to do. I really love him and he says he does too -- that he only wants to be with me. Should I believe him or just move on?
—Guest beyong confused

How did this guy convince me?

I am a married 38 year old woman. When I was 30 my husband and I separated (he left me). Soon after reconciling, when I was still hurt, I became involved with a male co-worker who is 21 years older than me. I was very hesitant at first toward his advances but something seemed so sweet, safe, and attractive about him. He wasn't a flirt around the office or anything. He just seemed to be taken with me. We've been involved for the last 8 years and I truly believed I was happy. Recently, I had this feeling something wasn't quite right and I checked his email and found several emails to another woman. (She is 57 years old.) She was his high school sweetheart. I had sent him a romantic song through YOUTUBE and he sent her the same song a week later. He also wrote her a very sweet email about how she was the woman meant to be his all these years. My heart was broken. Cheaters are cheaters, don't walk - RUN! I'm just glad I get a chance to change now while I have a chance and my eyes are open!
—marie3love

He left me to return to his wife

I fell in love with a man called John before Xmas. He was good and very caring towards me, he told me he loved me more than anything and that he was glad that we were together. He was separated from his wife and they had one child; I know he loves his child more than anything in the whole world. The reason he left his wife was because she was a complete control freak. When she found out about me all hell broke out. She threatened that she would stop him from seeing his little girl and also got his mother and family involved. He told me he can't see me anymore, even though he loves me and I was his soul mate. He passes me in his car and stares out at me as if he wants to talk to me. I have a broken heart and I feel that life is too short from him to be wasting it on her even though I know he is there for the child's sake. I know deep down that he loves me and that we had somthing very special that only comes along once in a lifetime. I know I will always love him and have a special place for him.
—Guest cindy

Why still lie?

After being together for almost 10 years, we decided a couple of weeks ago to get married. I was starting to plan the wedding, giddy with excitement. A week later he has to go to the doctor because his "thing" hurts. He ends up having epididymitis, claims it's not from chalmydia. I believe him, why not? He's been awesome. After 10 days of antibiotics we decide to have sex. It hurt me, I went to check it out, I had chlamydia!! He is still acting like I got this from some other person!! I NEVER EVER strayed!! He won't admit he cheated, but the proof is in me! I had a nervous/mental breakdown and attempted suicide. When I got home, he tells me to just get it off my chest that I cheated! I am so hurt and confused. How can he be so mean and callous? And to think, I was gonna marry him! Me and our daughter 9, are confused. She went from being a flower girl to seeing dad and mom split in 1 week. I want to hurt him sooo bad!!!!!!
—Guest sad

Should I stay with this liar?

Just found out this past weekend that my boyfiend of 8 years has been have a sexual relationship with his female boss (who is about 10-12 years older than him) for the last two years. He told me that they would get together when they went on business trips....and they went on a lot. I knew that something was going on with someone because he was so secretive with his phone and email, but I just didn't know who it was. His boss is not attractive, married, and has a kid...so I never in a million years thought it was her. This relationship started when he and I were living together, but I currently live in a different state because of work. She is now getting a divorce from her husband, and the whole thing is now out in the open. I still love him despite how disgusting his actions are to me, but I don't know whether I can ever look at him the same. I don't know what was a lie and what wasn't in our relationship. Would you stay with someone like this?
—Guest I tired of liars

Like an earthquake when I found out

I have been married for 22 years. 2003 I ended up with breast cancer and had chemo drugs for 3 years and decided to give it up. A year later my husband had a sexual encounter with a co-worker. We go to counseling and a couple months later I get emails in a envelope; they are emails of my husband and another girl from work chattingit up. I approached her and she said never and my hubby said no way. I thougt it was the first girl doing this to spite me. but no 6 years later I find out the emails were true, my husband has been having an affair for 6 years of our marriage, he even went to Florida, Seattle, Mexico with me in those years; we did counselling for 9 months; he would write emails and text me; I love you, you're hot blah blah. All a web of lies and I can't understand why another woman would not know he was married -- he was with me all the time. He did this so he didn't have to pay child support and alimony. Watch out for your man ladies; mine was even a Christian man when he cheated.
—Guest integrity

My first boyfriend cheated on me

I just found out that my first boyfriend of nearly two months cheated on me with some bi chick we both know. We broke up just a week ago, but apparently this has been going on longer then that. My first time out there and I get burned, screwed over. The sucky part is some of my "friends" knew about it earlier on and didn't tell me until today. I can't even look at him now without wanting to make him hurt as bad as he hurt me. And to think I was gonna try to make things better between us...
—Guest Pissed

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