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Readers Respond: Cheating Husband, Cheating Boyfriend - What Did You Do About It?

Responses: 248

By

Mad as hell

I don't know where to start, but here goes. As a child growing up my father cheated on my mother and he had outside of their marriage kids by 3 other women. My mom left him, so I told god that I will not let a man do that to me. But one did --my husband . Now I'm not the same and I tried to get back what we had and I can't. When he kisses me or holds me it's not the same. He say he's sorry and he will not do it again. But it feels like our life is a lie. I hurt day in and day out, I cry often and he doesn't know. I feel like I want to die. The bad thing to me is after he did it he looked at me and told a lie now I feel he f***ed me two times. He was e-mailing her, and she him, telling how they loved one and other and how they liked holding each other and kissing and how they can't be without each other, and how he was calling her while I was at work. How he would lie to me...I AM MAD AS HELL.
—Guest love

University Infidelity Research

Hi Everyone, We are researchers from the University of Ballarat, Australia. Our research team is currently conducting a study investigating emotions and relationships amongst people who have been victim of relationship infidelity. We are looking for people who have been the victim of infidelity to fill out our questionnaire, which will take approximately 15-20 minutes to complete. Please note this project has received the appropriate ethics approval through the University of Ballarat. All responses are anonymous. If you feel you would like to participate, we ask that you click on the link below, or copy and paste it into your web browser. This will take you to a screen with two additional links to our survey - please choose one of these two links. http://masters.limequery.com/ Your participation would be very much appreciated, and it is hoped that this research will add to the knowledge around people's reactions and emotions following relationship infidelity. Thank y
—Uniresearacher

Cheater

I was with my boyfriend Nazar for 7 months he was the best boyfriend... so i thought. He had started acting weird but i thought nothing of it. One day i asked him if he wanted to come over he said "no" he was going to his cousins house for the weekend. he sounded a little weird but like i said i thought nothing of it. I decided to stay home that night around 9:00 i got a call from my best friend Ava she said she was at a movie and a guy behind her was making out with a girl but he looked like Nazar. Thats when i realized that he did sound weird when he told me he was going to his cousins. So i told Ava that i was coming to check it out. i Got there and there he was ... with my ex-bestfriend Alexis. For a week he tried to get me back but i wasnt going to let him break my heart again. The funny thing is he couldnt even go back to her because the only reason she helped him cheat was to get back at me. I have a new boyfriend now who would never do that to me.
—Guest Gwascheated

Saw it for Myself

I was awakened by what I thought was the phone ringing and my boyfriend telling me, “Babe, I’ll be there in a few minutes with the keys. I already have my set, so leave the top lock unlocked and I’ll set them on the table.” I hung up the phone, literally, and rolled over thinking, “Great, he’s coming over and I won’t have to let him in.” But then I thought, "Maybe I should wait and let him in rather than unlocking anything." That’s when I decided to try and stay awake enough to hear his car in the driveway. But then, an hour passed and still he hadn’t come. I called and called but he wouldn’t answer either phone, and finally I wondered to myself, “Did I dream he called, or did he really call?” I went to the bathroom, and something told me I should just go pick up my keys, especially the garage door key, because I didn’t have another one. I thought maybe he had fallen asleep and decided not to come. I pull up in his apt complex only to see him and her getting out of his car.
—Inproperorder

cheating man

I was married in year 2000 to what I thought was a wonderful man. In 2004 my 15 yr old niece came to live with us. I am a nurse and i worked two jobs to give the family everything. at the time we were also taking care of my elderly mother in the home. I kept my niece to get her out of an abusive home. I was good to her, gave her everything. From 2004-2007 when she graduated high school she was having an affair with my husband age 34 at the time and she was 15, then 16, then 17 to 18. According to her she stopped the affair when she graduated high school. She move out of my house and I paid for her car and college. Apparentally she was trying to escape the situation and my husband was still chasing after her and of course both of them lying to me every day. She broke down and told me the truth in the end of 2009. At that time my mother was very ill, dying of cancer and my husband was wonderful to her and she truly loved him. I had the niece take a polygraph and it came up true
—brokenheart12

My advice

When a guy cheats on you, discard him, if you have kids, take them. If he cheated because you were neglecting him, admit at you should not have neglected him but his cheating is inexcusable. If you love him too much, toughen up. Do not cheat on him back and do not continue to stay with him after. Do this for the sake of the kids, they can grow up without the example of an unhappy home and a cheating parent and a hurt one trying to hide it from them. Divorce is a better option, they do not need a useless father like a cheat. Here is another piece of advice, with or without kids, if you find another man, make sure he does not have kids, whether he has custody or rarely sees them. The guy you want is a guy who can love his own kids dearly and treasure them. Being a step-mother you can live without, no man is worth it, as for blended families, forget about it, they never work well and take up too much time and effort, date yes, but marry or live together, no. AND ALWAYS LEAVE THE CHEAT.
—Guest Guest

me pathetic, in love with a cheater ;(

We met on September 7th, been together for less than a month when I had a first sign that something wasn't being okay. The problem is that this relation started to be very serious from the very beginning, we spent every minute together, he was my first boyfriend and tho he was absolutely different from me - in my eyes I saw him perfect. One day he stopped responding to my messages, thought I was a bit too pushy so wanted to give him like 2 days without me. After these 2 looong days he picked the phone up being on a party, giving me "I'm busy on the party". I hung up. Broke up. Another month passed, he started apologizing, making nice surprises - what could I do? I loved him. Got back together. Cheated on me December 11th - my birthday - right after we met for a dinner. That's where I should put and end to it. I still am surprised that I accepted the 100th sorry message and went with him to celebrate new years eve. But it was one of my best-est times with him. February - again. Cheati
—Guest Luke

"the other woman"

I was seeing a man that I met 4 years ago and we had been seeing each other on and off. We met though a dating site - I am divorced and work in a woman dominated field and don't met a lot of men. This man claimed he was a Good Christian man and even drove the church bus on Sundays. I always felt something was just not right but I could never put my finger on exact what the feeling was. Last year I cheated on this man. He got so upset with me - hanging up the phone on me, calling me names, saying I made him physically sick. We mended fences and I though things were better then they ever were before however again I began to feel that odd feeling again. I called off the relationship. However a couple of days later i felt an urge to look him up on FB. He told me that he lived with his sister and niece. Turns out his sister was actually his fiancee and this niece was her daughter and that he had been dating this woman for 6 years. Ladies, go with your gut and check out every guy fully.
—Guest leigh

my boyfriend cheated on me

I have this nice looking guy who claims to be perfect and whenever I annoyed him he never took it seriously but he cheated on me. The moment I heard about it I was mad because he said that will be the last thing he will ever do. Now I am angry with him and my friends says I should leave him. I am confused. What should i do?
—Guest nana

Help - can men change?

Hi I am 24 with 6 kids by my partner. I met him when I was14 him 24. We have been together for 10 years. I though I was the luckiest women on earth. He has 2 other kids with his ex wife but we don't see them. He has always helpee me cleaning changing diapers talks to everyone about how much he loves us. Well over 2 months ago he cheated on me with a 16 yr old girl that sleeps around. He confesed to me he was with her for about 20 seconds and just stopped but they worked together for about 2 months. He has got on his knees crying to me to forgive him. He treats me like a queen and we even moved 300 miles away from the girl. Can men really change? How can I know he ain't lying no more? Help please.
—Guest Confused

humph

So he was my first love and first SERIOUS high school boyfriend for a year and a half and prior to that was my best friend for a whole year. As his bf I watched him eat girls WHOLE and he had no mercy nor remorse. I thought things were different with me because he knew me in a way he never cared to know them. He DID love me back but he couldn't keep his hands to himself whenever another girl through herself at him. Which was often. I was dating the good-looking, smooth talking, womanizer of my high school. He was the guy that girls from 6th-12th grade wanted. With eyes wide open I let him hurt me and stomp on my heart because I had this stupid mentality that I didn't want anyone else to have him. When I finally let him go it was over this amazonian tall senior who tried to hit me with her car all because in the end he didn't want to be with her, he wanted ME back even after their quickie. It's been a year but he still wants me back. Oh well.
—Guest OhWell

wife

i have been married to my husband for 17 years this is my first marriage to him and he was married before to his fist wife and they had two boys now all grown up and married with kids of their own, this cheating started in August of this year with him chatting online with a lady who lives in Texas and she has sent text messages to his phone to let him know that she is a grandma and he has called her and i also found another number on an old cell phone and he told me that she lives in Georgia and that he and she are bible buddies and the other woman who lives in Texas i asked him what they talked about and he told me that they talk about family and work and the weather and the bible. I left him once in august for a week and then came back and he told me that things were going to change and that they haven't... I left again in November and this time I packed up and moved in with my sister and her husband and made plans to move back to the east coast .
—Guest barbara

He broke my heart.

The boyfriend I have been dating for about 3 months now, but have been talking to for almost 7, cheated on me. Now i never thought he would do that to me. Honestly it tore me apart inside , i cried, i yelled. I forgave him and told him that i love him and still want to be with him. He said he wants us to work and he feels so guilty. I told him that he doesn't have my trust anymore till he proves he deserves it again. I wanted to walk away but the love i have for him kept pulling me back. I can't leave him. It would hurt way too much and I'm just not ready for that pain. Did i do the right thing? I need advice please, i wanna be able to talk to him but im scared to say the wrong thing and he leaves.
—Guest ...unanimous

Husband cheated with my best friend

This was the sort of friend I hung out with every day. Oh my, how I get sick when I think about it. Just because I wrote to a guy in prison & I got really close to him because my husband never paid any attention to me. I begged him to take me places, show me love, do anything so I didn't have to write. So, he got pissed & had enough so he slept with my best friend. We were fighting & SHE comforted him? Cool. He even bought phones for them to talk on. He got it back from her & wants to work things out with me. We have a 3yr. old son. But I freak out all the time thinking he could be talking to or seeing her. What do I do to make that go away? How do you make it better? Please help!
—Guest hahrley7117

My boyfriend cheated two nights in a row

I was with my boyfriend for 8 months. He told me he was cheated on by his ex-girlfriend. He seemed like a guy that would never want to hurt me and we were best friends. But he's 22 and I'm 20, were both young but still i thought we weren't like most couples. Anway, he told me he cheated last week when he was drunk with this girl that begged him if she could come over, he told me he felt sketchy about it the whole time and then he passed out in bed and she crawled into bed with him, but then he did it the next night drunk. He told me it was because he was bored of our routine and needed something to realize how much I mean to him. I don't know what to do, he agrees we need time. But I'm afraid that he will cheat, everyone tells me he will. He says he wants to fix it, he wants to improve his life and quit drinking. I don't know if i believe him. I still love him, and people do make mistakes and sometimes I feel like maybe if we start fresh later down the road it might make things better...
—Guest Confused22

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