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Readers Respond: Cougar - Positive or Negative Image of Women and Female Sexuality?

Responses: 230


Men die younger than women

My father died 15 years before my mother - and she was devasted - and it's a fact men die younger - so it is logical to want a relationship where you both have the possibility of growing old together and live to approximately the same age.
—Guest sally

A cougar had me when I was 21

She was 42. It was the best sex I've ever had. She was divorced, no kids, I was single. The only thing I would like to say is that I think infidelity is a bad thing where there are children involved. No matter how careful you are to hide it from them, they WILL pick up on it and it WILL affect them. Tin hat firmly on.

What about Mougars?

I think this is just one of those instances where it shows how silly our society is about the natural aging process. So what if people want to date other individuals that are of different age groups (under 18 excluded). People who are mean and rude about aging people just fear death and don't know how to deal with it. Mougars and Cougars are both wonderful and should be celebrated!
—Guest Leda

Let's hear it for the real women!

I think the whole "cougar" title should just be banished! Women considered "cougar" age, well, that's what we are...women. Old enough to know what we want. I am a divorced 39 year old. I decided to live openly this time around and be happy. I look like I am at least 10 years younger. When out, I am only approached by younger men. At first, I laughed it off, but decided to give it a chance. I have to agree with some of the other postings, that these young men are worth it. I am treated very well by them, they respect me and they appreciate my experience, conversation and some are surprisingly mature. Age is just a number and is irrelevant. If two people are of age, not hurting anyone and have feelings for each other, then what does it matter? I have found happiness with my 12 year younger partner and it has nothing to do with filling a void in my life or feeling better because a young attractive man is with me. It's because we share the same lifestyle, interests & emotional maturity.
—Guest Cougar Newbie

I love him but still hesitate

I started a relationship with a younger man who pursued me relentlessly. The more that I got to know him the more I liked him. We are 27 years apart. He looks older than his years and I look younger. He doesn't have a problem with my age but I'm beginning to get slack from some people. I feel that I should end it and date someone my age, but I haven't found someone that I have chemistry with. I thought that this would be just having fun. I called him my boy toy, but he is a man, more than some of these older men that I have met. We are having feelings for each other and I am scared of what people's reaction will be. I know life is short and its why I decide to go with it, but people's comments are hurtful. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Crazy, huh? I'm glad that I found this site. I love this young man. I love his spirit and when I'm with him, I say I don't give a damn about what others say and of course I start second guessing myself.

Ended in suicide

I dated a younger man for a number of months. We had a loving fantastic period of time, but ironically this was flawed by periodic aggression. This came to an end when he decidied to leave this earthly life 2 years ago. Is there anyone out there who has experienced this? I feel very much alone.
—Guest dani

Get a grip!!

Wow! Seriously the idea of this strikes a nerve with very insecure judgmental ignorant people...let's call a spade a spade...if you are not in one of these relationships what do you know about them except what you see..so lets look at that..you see a hot young sexually primed young man with a hot sensual secure older woman...ummmm tell me again what the issue is you have with that?? And how does it effect your life?? Exactly, it doesnt...so maybe you should get a life? There's a concept!!
—Guest sharqueen003

Positive and Negative

I believe the word cougar can be used in either form. If a woman becomes involved with a man because she enjoys his company and he happens to be younger (reasonable age difference),there's nothing wrong with that. If she presents herself in a respectful manner as she would with any other relationship, and she also gets to reap in the benefits of a good sex life this would be a positive. If a woman goes out and preys on men a lot younger and uses them strictly to stroke her own ego,using them for show and sexual pleasures only, that could be negative. So I guess it depends on the woman and how she handles herself. Isn't this how we perceive men with younger women? They are either perv's or the woman is a gold digger.But in the end, as long as everyone involved are adults, who has the right to say anything? That is other than the two people in the relationship.
—Guest Cougar101

To Whom It May Concern (POSITIVE)

To whom it may concern being the people that are involved in the relationship. I believe that once you become an adult you have the right to choose whom you become involved with, of course, at a decent level. My mom was 4 yrs older than my dad , married 45 yrs, my aunt 10 yrs older than her husband married 25 yrs, both couples, till death do us part. There are many men with younger wives or girlfriends, but I bet that's one territory you men thought us women wouldn't tread on. OMG you were wrong! LOL. I am just now involved with my first younger man, we didn't plan it, we were put together in an awkward situation by others, we became friends and one thing lead to another. Neither of us are using one another, we enjoy each others company. To the "boy toy"turned "perv", sounds like you used your cougar to stroke your own ego and now you're afraid your young one my use you in the same way, well now, karma's a bitch ain't it? LIVE AND LET LIVE
—Guest Cougar 101

cougar women

I recently married a man 16 years my junior. He actually approached me 8 years ago and he thought I was much younger. We are two mature adults who know what we want in a relationship! At first I struggled with his age but over a 2 year dating period, we were in love and he never had a problem with my age. At first I personally was somewhat offended by haters who started making comments, but my "real" friends applauded our relationship. As I reflect, I realize that I have a responsibility to my own happiness and it doesn't cost anyone else anything. This is the second marriage for both of us and we are definitely a partnership. So haters get back and stop the double standard! You're in charge of your own happiness so take off the brakes with your self-inflicted limitations! Life is too short, precious and what you make it! Who established this label for women anyway? Men have been dating younger women for years!
—Guest fact 1

Why all the negativity??

To all of you negative people, you are all BIG FAT UGLY middle aged women who are jealous that you cannot get a younger man. You have to settle for some BIG FAT UGLY middle aged man who couldnt get it up with a shoe horn.... Get up of the couch and into the gym you fatties and get yourself a makeover. Nothing but jealousy going on here. There is not one woman on here who wouldnt prefer an Ashton Kutcher to a wrinkled old FAT BALD middle aged Jason Alexander... Get real !!!!
—Guest sema2910

I Did Not Look For Him

I am a widow, married very young, 16. I was married 39 yrs. I met a man I thought was older, but he's 36--my son is older. I have always been a nurturer and caregiver. I really like/love him. We have been seeing each other for almost a year, he's from another country so there's a communication gap, but I love learning--I am in college classes. I am independent and really do not need him for finances like so many young women do. We enjoy each other’s company. I would not mind being married to him. I am attracted to this man who is totally different than my deceased husband; physically he is heavier, so it’s not his body. I love his eyes and the crows feet that show when he laughs, I love the way he takes care of me, opens the car door, feeds me when we go out to eat, he makes me laugh, does work around my house--whatever needs to be done. I don't care if he is not well off. He is my companion. My husband was my first love, he is my second.
—Guest Cynthia

Thank (most all of) you

I've been beating myself up the last day or two for becoming more and more enamoured with a male friend 15 years younger than me. I told myself it was just not right and I must stop immediately. I realize after reading the posts here that I've taken on an uptight society's attitudes and that as long as he and I continue to enjoy each other's company, I will fight the negativity that some try to attach to age differences in relationships. As some have already said, the attraction is so much more than sexual but we are sexual beings and so that will always play some part. I started dating younger guys (10-15 years) about 10 years ago (age 42) when I learned my 50 y/o boyfriend had cheated on me the entire 5 years we were together. And I never pursued the younger guys; it was always them pushing me to go out. What I have noticed is that the only ones I ever hear negative comments from are fat, out of shape, run-down women OR men and it feels like pure jealousy.
—Guest Enlightened

19 yrs old cub chased 40 yrs old cougar

I am 40 years old woman and haven’t dated any younger men in the past, although men from 22 – 56 have shown interested in going out with me. Lately, I met someone who is only 19 years old and expressed that he wants to go out with me. I didn’t look for him (or any younger guys). He chased me… so I don’t think I should be called cougar (not that it matters). I think I should give it a try (since he seems very sincerely and extremely hot looking), shouldn’t I?
—Guest Kelly


I hate it when nomenclature needlessly changes. There was (and is) a perfectly good term in the UK for proponents of this practice. Look it up in the dictionary: “’Cougar’ (n) – a women of circa forty years plus who makes a practice of having sex with much younger men cf. delusional 'slapper’ ” You may also want to look up “Dirty old man”. If you want to have sex with much younger people at least have the decency to pay them for it.
—Guest JJP

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