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Readers Respond: Cougar - Positive or Negative Image of Women and Female Sexuality?

Responses: 280

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double standard?

why is it when an older man gets a younger woman ,he's the man but if a woman does it they give her the derogatory name of cougar? I am an older gentleman and I say, ladies go for what makes you feel good
—Guest sempercurious

Marrying a man the age of her children

I kind of resent the implication of the term "cougar." It is very predatory. I started becoming involved with my man the very day after my husband told me he was divorcing me. This guy rejoiced, he said later - he was attracted to me but knew I was married, and now I would be available. I, on the other hand, while attracted - sure, he was very handsome and concerned for how I felt about being dumped - was only too aware that I had two kids older than him! It took a few months before I could believe that he thought I was sexy, that he was "totally okay," as he put it, that I was so much older (Me-66, him-42), and that he wanted to take care of me. My having money isn't a part of it, because I don't have any, and it's touching how it concerns him that he be able to take care of me financially. We are getting married soon. I haven't told anyone, even my kids. We love each other very much, and don't care about age, and that should be all that matters!
—Guest Nadine

Laura

After reading some of these posts, I have to agree, the younger guys are much more social and loving than the 35+ single men out there. What happens to these older guys? Most seem like complete sticks in the mud. No wonder older women are going for the younger ones. I've never dated a younger guy but I'm tempted.
—Guest Laura

Cougar-Postive or Negative Image Women

The name "cougar" to depict an older women who dates or lives with a younger man is contexually a negative image of older women who date or love younger men. I do not think women who habitually date men several or many years their "junior", are wise women. No matter how youthful an older woman may appear, or how enthusiastic her younger love interest may be to date her, she must ask herself, "why is he interested in an older woman"? I live in a building where a much older woman is married to a younger man. When I first met them, I thought she was his mother. In spite of her losing about a hundred pounds and changing her hair color, their relationship is a struggle that has included a jail term and domestic violence. While it is true that a couple of comparable age could share similar problems, an older woman must face the fact that women age differently from men, and rarely will an older women's body not betray her age & her appeal in due time. Other age disparities will show.
—Guest Niva

why judge???

let face it guys! sex is a funny thing without any norms! people make it dirty or adventurous (e.g. anal sex for some would be a delight for others a sin...) differences make the world so who r we to judge! Some of u ladies had very hard comments!! Why? If u think that most yr bf or partners never thought of doing a older woman do not be fool! Its like saying they never watched porn or masturbated! Yes I know shocking right lol! For a man to go for younger ladies is nearly acceptable so why not for women??? At the end of the day, if it is for sex or relationship or else and if both parties r happy where is the problem…. I am in my early 30s am nor a cougar or old or do much younger than me but who know ladies when we will get there u never know…then I am sure u would not mind of not being judged! Don’t u think! Let them be!
—Guest free spirit

Why judge?

People are people & when a connection is made, than it is, it's that simple. I am speaking of adults, of course. People can't really control who they find themselves attracted to. If a relationship works for the 2 people involved, than those 2 people should be the ONLY 2 that judge it! Don't get me wrong, I too am human, so I have done my share of judging, but it's something I try not to do b/c it is so negative. Who gave me the right to judge what someone else does behind closed doors? Yes, we all get our opinions but I'm sure you know what they say about opinions… To assume that a woman is a slut or loose b/c she finds her self in a relationship w/a younger man - it's just more negativity dumped into the pot. The judgement is selfish & morally reprehensible. How dare any one judge anyone unless they have walked in that person's shoes. To those of you who have judged w/such negativity (that it has left a bad taste in my mouth). I pity you. Good luck.
—Guest no judgement

it'll never change!

though I may not be in your shoes, I'd like to say to all the women out there, no matter how young your man may be, people who criticize you for being older than him, it'll never change! A lot of people expect everyone to live by their ways, but I believe that all women should aim for their own happiness. Don't let anyone change you, they just don't feel good about themselves, so they want to find someone else to criticize in hopes of bringing them down. They have too much time on their hands, and no one to share it with.
—Guest tigress

For certain purposes

I would (and do) have fun with cougars, but will never get into a relationship with one. I think that most young men who want families feel this way. But if cougars are just okay with playing, I'm all for it. I don't think we should be bashing them and saying they promote a negative image of women.
—Guest Carter

Omg, are you serious?

There is such a double standard here, it's not even funny. You can meet a younger person at a business function, not just a bar. You can form a relationship with someone based on mutual respect, and then have it turn into something else you hadn't planned. Especially if the said younger man is mature for his age. There are some younger men who are in their 20's, but are well educated and you can have way better conversations with them than an older man. They are open and loving, not sticks in the mud. I would be with a man who was older than me, but frankly, I'm in love with a younger man. Didn't plan for it to happen, but I love him. He loves me, too. It happens...
—Guest Ciara

what is the opposite term for cougar?

I am in my early 40s and seems the only men interested in me are mid to late 20's. Has been this way for years no matter my location, profession or physical appearance. Yes I find it flattering but I prefer men more my age. So, what are women like me called? I am pursued by much younger men however I do not prefer them. Also I do not have children so that other term is not fitting either.
—Guest Confused

You GO Cougars!

I think that's the way it should be...many women never lose their sexual desire...and older women don't have their changing hormonal 'baggage' attached..so they can enjoy sex relationship without worries.
—Guest GO Cougars...

Primitive stigmas

I have never, as someone put it, slutted around at school, never slept with a guy till i got engaged to my husband and was always faithful. I think what a lot of people dont seem to understand is that older women do get hunted down also by younger men. They enjoy our sense of freedom and fun and knowing who we are and what we want from life. In turn we have fun interesting conversations with guys who are outgoing and have a zest for life, not like guys our own age. It works, Ive done it twice and I have had two of the most lovely relationships of my life so far. Highly recommend it and as they say, dont know it till you try it. My ex was 26, im 46 and whilst it was hard for me to start a relationship with him, after him pushing me for 6 months to ingore the prejudices, wise words from young shoulders, I did and have never regretted meeting him. We did only stay together over a year but was a great relationship and one I never regretted. We are still good friends.
—Guest Primitive Stigmas

Age doesn't define love

I find it disgusting that women are making these comments against other women. Each individual situation is different. I am in my early twenties snd my boyfriend is 27 years older than me. Our relationship is wonderful. He is far from a dirty old man. We love and respect each other. So this question can not be answered to sum up all relationships where women are dating younger men. Every relationship is different people need to leave the judgment to the one above.
—Guest positive

If men can do it, so can women!

I love younger men. Its a shame that men my own age cannot keep up with me. Give me someone still willing to color outside the lines with me. I am not done growing yet!
—mmbarre

It's our life, not society's call

I was 28 dating a very sexy shapely 54yr.old lady....we had fun together enjoying things yet people criticized me for dating a "grandmother"...But I didn't care. We were happy, sex was great, and we only broke up because she had to move out of state...
—Guest c-lo

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