1. News & Issues

Your suggestion is on its way!

An email with a link to:


was emailed to:

Thanks for sharing About.com with others!

Readers Respond: Cougar - Positive or Negative Image of Women and Female Sexuality?

Responses: 230


Cougar? Fine with me!

I am married to a man 7 years younger than me. Before I met him I was all about the "silver foxes" older men sometimes twice my age. I concidered anyone under my age as "kids" and when I look back I turned down ALOT of cuties. But my husband prosued me aggressively and once I got to know him I found he was as mature as any of those old guys! Since then, when I get hit on by guys in their teens it's a huge compliment .... But I do look 10 years younger than my age, and I'm athletic and wear younger fashions. My husband calls me a "puma" which says is young cougar...and I take being called a cougar as a compliment to me an image of a cougar is a sophisticated lady who takes care of herself, is athletic, and lives a healthy life style. Being a cougar has nothing to do with being a nymphomaniac...there are some skanky cougars out there, but their status as cougar have nothing to do with her sexual life... It is because younger men find her attractive, and she prefers their company.
—Guest Sasha

The term 'Cougar'

Re: > the term 'cougar' comes from the big-game predatory cat of the same name, the cougar connection also may allude to the wearing of animal print clothing > no equivalent term for males who date younger females exists Yes, an equivalent term exists for males: He's called a "Wolf". Both terms come from the predatory animals. Clothing has nothing to do with it. And a term for the young prey? I think the females are sometimes called "Kittens". For the males, I venture to suggest "Rabbits" ... Also, re sethbork: > at what age do women stop calling males "boy toys" > Three years ago I was a "boy toy" but now I'm hitting my late 30s and my fiancee is a very young adult. You answered your own question. It changes when you change whom you date. > How did I go from "boy toy" to creepy perv? Just how young is she? 17? "Perv". 27? Not so much. But ultimately, what others call you doesn't matter, as long as you keep each other happy!
—Guest Nick Peterson

Do what makes you happy!!!

I'm a 44 year old dating a 33 year man that approached me. He loves older thick women.
—Guest Smiley

luv young hotties!

Wow lot of negativity here. I am a nice looking 49 yr old and have a playdate with a 30 yr old tonight! Hes excited and so am i! ;) fun for both of us. We are both of age and to each his own. I dont see the harm in being a cougar. So when we are enjoying eachothers company to all you haters.... Lol dont judge me im a hard working woman and a non drinker...sorry for your luck that i will be having a great time with my stud and you will be sitting in front of the tv watching the same boring stuff u watch every week. ;p
—Guest michigancougar


I hate the nickname, but I must say I truly disagree with a lot of the post I've read. Bitter ass women just mad at the fact they don't have what it takes 2 have a "MAN" period. My boyfriend is 11 yrs. younger than me. We did not meet at a bar nor a night club. It was right after church on a nice sunny day. I was not looking slutty as I seen in one post nor did I approach him. numbers were exchanged then the ages. He never believed my age and continued to see me. Relationship has been better than ever. 3yrs and we are still together, happy and in love. This is my 1st relationship with a younger man and we are a like in all ways except for AGE. HELL YEAH I still got it for all the single OLD women that HATE on older women & younger men relationships.
—Guest NOTaCougar

11 years and 2 months older

I am 33 and started setting an extremely attractive, sweet, and 'unjaded' 22 year old. I mentioned it to my family and have been snickered at and ridiculed to moo end - even my my younger cousin (19 yrs old). I didn't think the relationship would last this long or become so serious. I worry about the future, but am learning to just enjoy the moment (not ruin it with worrying. Life really is short, and I'll take my happy however it comes
—Guest misscriss78

Cougar- positive or Negative

I find totally OK! my babe is 22 and I am 40. We say what we both want and no drama. No jealousy. No games! Just plain fun! He gets all the attention he likes and I get to enjoy a filet mignon.
—Guest Youngblood

Younger Guys are Way More Active

I am 39, but don't look my age and I am a pretty active person. I don't quite fit in with being with guys my age because they just want to watch t.v. all of the time and be settled down and boring (for me personally). I don't choose guys by their age, I choose them by their personality. I am finding that I really am digging younger guys because we have so much in common and I have a renewed sense of passion. Currently I am seeing a 25 y/o and I feel so good!! I would have never imagined dating someone that young. I guess, if something works for you, then it works. Don't question happiness.
—Guest Crystal

'natural' with younger men

I live together with a wonderful young, good looking and intelligent man of 22 and I am 56. I do not understand why people get upset. Even that I am older than his mother (and about the age of his grand mom and he is younger than my two daughters does everything work fine in/out of the bedroom. It was not easy in the beginning (he was 19 then), but now it is accepted.

In Praise of Older Women

Now by no means a young man, I do recall that I was always attracted to older women even when I was in my early teens. Unfortunately I never encountered a Mrs Robinson type, so my experiences with older women had to wait until I myself was older - I have never changed my tastes and even now do not feel excited by young women. Apart from the 'disgusted by it all brigade' whom I suspect are mainly from the USA , there is an interesting discrepancy in outlook. My son had a very good looking school friend who received the sexual attentions of some of the mothers of his other friends. Nobody seemed to think there was any harm in it; the young man receiving the benefit of the experience of the older women and the women the good-natured envy of their friends. Had this been an attractive friend of a daughter matters, I am sure, would have been very different with the fathers denounced as dirty old men taking advantage of a young girl. I am glad that I don't fancy young girls!
—Guest hank

Tired of judgement about "cougar" + sex

Why everyone think it is about sex only? I'm older than my husband by 20 years. We are together for the last 6 years and guess what? Our main issue is sex! I do have a sex drive, he's not really about it. Everyone jokes about "oh! Fresh meat, you have fun in bed?"... Answer? NO! I had more before. No, I was not slutty and always been in long term relationship. I met him not knowing his age or him mine. We are in love since and it was a big concern that gap about age when I found out. I didn't "prey" on him or any other men on his age range. I just found out that he was right when he told me: Will you let a paper as birth certificate destroy how perfect match we are, how happy we are together, how we are in love and think alike? It's not a number who make a relationship, it's the involvement of each partner and the desire to work out difference. Yes, i'm not fully happy about the fact that we are not perfect match in bed but he win all the way outside. Love is not about sex only!
—Guest Gayle

Ms. CBs

Never have liked being "labeled" anything! Cougar, although sleek & sexy, still is a carnivore hunter. I don't feel that's a justifiable perspective of older women & younger men dating or relationships. Why do the women have to be stalking & devouring their partners? Why can't it just be a choice for the two involved. The woman could be a real pussycat!!
—Guest CBs

Not a Cougar...and with a younger man

Since a cougar is a woman who only pursues younger men, then I would be the prey as my boyfriend actually started our relationship by his pursuit of me. I have been the doubting one due to our 28 yr age difference. I was dating men around my age at the time. He doesn't care about the difference and while I'm still cautious, other than the age thing, it's the most perfect relationship I have ever had. He is mature beyond not only his own years, but beyond most of the men I was dating my age at the time. He is respectful of women, has old-school manners, is polite and thoughtful, is a wonderful communicator who listens (what an amazing combination!), and I get to be the business professional I am without his being threatened. Divorced after a 25 yr marriage (I was a great wife and mother) I am happy now. I am not a smoker, drinker, slut or anything else posted here by those who are too judgmental to see through their biased filters. Until you walk in another’s shoes…
—Guest J

Consenting adults need no one's consent

The majority of people do not seek out a younger person to build a relationship. Oftentimes, the younger person pursues the older woman (man) to seek a relationship. In my opinion, it is ok for consenting adults to enter a relationship. A person in early 60's can have a relationship with a man in his late forties without having a label assigned to the woman.
—Guest Courageous

Waaay too much

Ladies & germs, Even if you don't like someone else's actions- it doesn't mean you have to hate them & guess what? ...It doesn't hurt them when you do. All of your bitter indignation only makes you look unpleasant. It doesn't help them or change them in any way. Rightfully, you're not on their minds, For the record, I agree with Miss 13, but regardless, you may as well do something to get that anger out, because being a name calling, hater is really just spreading ugliness & frankly, that's much worse than two WILLING partners, wanting to be together. I'm NOT a hippie, but seriously- PEACE, people. Share some love! Ps. In response to statements like 'disgusting', 'sluts', etc... I heard some ENORMOUS, sweeping generalizations. There are exceptions to every rule. Younger men come on to me often. I don't happen to sleep around, but if I thought there was a real connection with one, would that make me a monster or whore? If I find something real knocking at my door, I'll open it.
—Guest Babsy

©2015 About.com. All rights reserved.