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It happened when I was 9

Share Your Story: I Was Raped

By Samantha

The Situation and Circumstances

I was 9 yrs old when my brother befriended a teenaged boy from our neighborhood. Soon after, they began sleepovers at our house almost every weekend.My parents ran a social hall on Saturdays, leaving my brother in charge, and rarely getting home before 4am. It happened to me repeatedly over a 2 month period. The evening started with watching pornos, then molestation and always ended with oral sex & sodomy. They would also make me do humiliating stuff like lay down naked with a blanket covering my face & half my body and proceed to fondle and rape me with objects. I never told anyone because I didn't know what sex was or that I was even having it.

The Aftermath and Post-Rape Trauma

I did nothing about it as I was too naive to understand what happened to me. How do you tell someone when the words don't exist to you?

It all ended when my mother caught them having a profanity ridden argument & my brother wasn't allowed to hang out with said friend anymore.

I did seek medical attention afterward as I encountered rectal bleeding for months even after the ordeal had ended. Not one medical professional asked me if something had been inserted into my rectum, it was just assumed I had tearing due to constipation.

It wasn't until I was 16 that I was able to recall that 2 month period of my life. I was met with disbelief when I finally did tell the story to my parents & instructed to forget it, leave it in the past.

I then carried this burden into my adult life. I used drugs and alcohol daily to swallow the humiliation I endured. But the pain just kept escalating. I really thought I could beat this thing on my own. I had a great life. I got married to a wonderful man, built my first home, and was an in high demand hair stylist. The only problems were that I was a drunk, chemically dependent, self mutilating anorexic. I felt like a failure. I quit my job when I couldn't hide the wounds I had made all over my arms, chest and throat anymore, pretty hard to hide 50+ lacerations without some becoming visible, pulling up my sleeves to perform a shampoo for example. Not to mention I was suffering the severe side affects of a raging eating disorder, just standing up I would become dizzy & almost faint. I looked & felt sick all the time. I was also playing with suicide quite often at this point, I narrowly survived an alcohol and drug fueled sleeping pill overdose, still nothing scared or detoured me.

It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant with my first child that I decided to stop punishing myself & stop this life of insanity. Fortunately for me, I felt the effects of morning sickness within the first week of pregnancy & went to my doctor to confirm what I already knew to be true. I have a healthy,happy almost 2 yr old today & am currently expecting baby #2. My children & my husband have truly saved my life.

Advice

  • I am now 32 and finally understand what happiness and unconditional love means and how badly we all need it. I think I was always capable of it, I was just too angry to realize I had it all along.
  • I would never be so presumptuous as to offer advice, everyone's journey is different. Not to discredit any health professional but I have tried several different treatment options to only to have little or no benefit. For me, it came down to making a decision and having the conviction to see it through. Although I never brought my attackers to justice, I encourage others to do so. I wish I could now, but the opportunity has gone.

Linda Lowen, About.com Women's Issues, says:

Oh, Samantha, I just want to reach out to you and give you an enormous hug of support. Your story was chilling and your recovery inspirational. You're incredibly strong to have pulled yourself out of the cycle of self-abuse without professional help. I'm sorry that the medical community wasn't something you could turn to -- and that they never attempted to help you during your physical exams. That's shocking and disturbing. But your story lets so many women know that even in the worst of places, we can overcome our past and make something of our lives. So glad you have unconditional love in your life, and that you are moving ahead and into a better life. Thank you for telling your story.

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