Book Review: "Sixtyfive Roses" by Heather Summerhayes Cariou

Even at the best of times, the relationship between sisters mingles love and jealousy, compassion and competition, protectiveness and independence. But in the presence of family tragedy, those bonds can be strengthened - or stretched to their limits.

When Heather Summerhayes was six years old, her family received the grim news that her younger sister had Cystic Fibrosis (CF). Four-year-old Pam, unable to pronounce her disease, called it 'sixtyfive roses.' Over time she came to understand that it would eventually take her life.

In the meantime, Pam and her family were held hostage by endless rounds of treatments and hospitalizations even as they tried to maintain the semblance of a 'normal' life.

No one expected Pam to make it past childhood. But she lived for another two decades, establishing an independent life for herself and a career which she loved and lost to CF.

In her final moments, Pam made one last request. "Write our story," she commanded her older sister. "Tell what we lived through together. Promise me."

Heather Summerhayes Cariou keeps that promise with Sixtyfive Roses, a memoir whose fragile petals hide sharp thorns.

Beautifully written, the book is both lyrical and visual as it opens and closes high above the Hudson River with Cariou - now living in New Jersey - reflecting on her sister's twenty-six years of life. Pam and Heather's tale is sometimes golden, often bittersweet.

"Pam said, tell our story. Mother says, tell the truth," is the mantra that's repeated throughout the book. Cariou does both, providing the expected inspiring moments of a family pulling together despite the odds, and the unexpected darker truths of sibling anger, resentment, and guilt.

Cariou writes candidly about family feuds and lack of support from relatives; her rage at the parents who never seemed to have enough time for her; dreams of a career in ballet and acting deferred; and her own shaky first marriage that failed to give her the love she craved.

In admitting to episodes ruled by black moods and abusive words and deeds, she gives permission to others to release these same hidden feelings and realize they are justified.

Though parents and siblings of special needs families have already embraced Sixtyfive Roses, it's a memoir that has broader appeal to anyone who has struggled with the dynamics of troubled relationships, sibling rivalry, and the balance between family and self. It's not an easy read, but it is a rewarding one.

Sixtyfive Roses: A Sister's Memoir
by Heather Summerhayes Cariou
Softcover, 436pp. ISBN: 978-1-55278-678-9
McArthur & Company 2007