CBS Daytime Talk Show 'The Talk' - Review of the Premiere Episode

The future's looking up for The Talk, CBS' new daytime talk show, because quite simply there's nowhere else for it to go. The premiere episode on Monday, October 18, 2010 scraped rock bottom on its first outing with a vapid headline guest, insipid videos of the co-hosts' children, a humiliating woman-on-the-street segment, and worthless advice for mothers that reduced a serious subject to an "ewww, gross!" squealfest.

A knockoff of ABC's The View predicated on a "through the lens of motherhood" concept, The Talk has brought at least some talent to the table. CBS' The Early Show news anchor Julie Chen is the Barbara Walters of this group, with actress Sarah Gilbert the creative force behind the show. In explaining how she came up with the concept, Gilbert cited a mother's support group that had helped her after the birth of her second child; she said she wanted to reproduce that level of support for TV viewers. Gilbert's openness about being a lesbian parent adds another dimension to a show she hopes will benefit moms and their families.

Corralling the show's co-hosts will be The Talk's biggest challenge. With Chen the only journalist in the group, the other five actresses/TV personalities will have to learn to share...and work without a script. (Former sitcom star Leah Remini joked that if viewers hadn't liked her in the past, she'd always blamed the writers, but that wasn't an excuse anymore. Note to Remini: you're closer to the truth than you may realize.)

In a ho-hum first segment, the co-hosts' kids offered greetings to their moms. (Word to the wise: few people enjoyed the constant interjection of "my kids" when Kathie Lee Gifford co-hosted with Regis, and now it's Regis and Kelly.) Since Chen's baby son was too young to offer words of advice, her video greeting came from her husband Les Moonves, not coincidentally the head of CBS, who reminded her to do well because if she didn't, he'd cancel her. (Sad to say, that may have been the high point of today's episode.)

Next, the much-touted interview with Christie Brinkley "who hasn't done a sit-down interview in years" provided ample evidence as to why she hasn't done a sit-down interview in years.

Sharon Osbourne, wonderfully charming on America's Got Talent, missed the mark as she tried to get real with Brinkley; Osbourne only succeeded in dragging the conversation down to a "hair/makeup/beauty" chat. Talk of Botox, how beautiful Brinkley was, whether or not she was tired of people telling her how beautiful she was, and exercising while blow drying her hair made the show feel like an infomercial with a former A-lister now reduced to shilling products bearing her name.

Although Brinkley was briefly nudged to talk about her nasty divorce from her fourth husband architect Peter Cook, it was clear this was not a direction she'd expected to go in and her remarks frankly didn't make much sense, especially that "google marrying a narcissist" comment.

Gilbert's emphasis on crafting a show that would help mothers and support them boded well for a segment on what's the best age to have a talk with your kids about sex.

But when Marissa Jaret Winokur turned what could have been a thoughtful discussion into an overlong middle-school joke, it became excrutiating to watch. (I'm sure the sex therapist and psychologist Winokur mocked really appreciated being made to look like fools on national TV.)

After interviewing the two female experts, Winokur went out on the street to snigger, squeal, and ask strangers about what they call various body parts and how they might talk to their own kids. This was done with the finesse of a 12-year-old too embarrassed to treat the subject with any intelligence or dignity.

And when she went back home to try and have 'the sex talk' with her 2-year-old son, it was obvious that no real advice would be forthcoming.

Back in the studio, the conversation didn't get any better. Leah Remini explained how using the real words for female body parts was so gross that she used the word "cupcake" with her daughter instead. Much shrieking, groaning and giggling ensued. Roll to commercial.

My advice? Keep Chen, Gilbert, and Holly Robinson Peete, who brought style and grace to the show but was overwhelmed by Remini's loud, obnoxious style. Restrict Sharon Osbourne to what she does best, and don't let her take the lead on any interviews. Dump Remini and Winokur, and add one intelligent conservative voice, preferably NOT an actress but a pundit/journalist/talk show host from radio or TV. Then The Talk might actually give The View a run for its money.

Though making this a 'mommy' show may not be most effective approach in the long run, there's good reason to go after the mom market which is estimated at $1.6 trillion. But The Talk still can capture women with children without excluding those who are child-free, empty nesters, or just not into a mommy show. Go back to Gilbert's original vision and don't try so hard to be cute and funny and every viewer's best friend.

Most important -- move the show from its 2 pm time slot to an hour earlier in the day. If you want to attract mommies, it helps to know the typical school schedule. Many schools let out between 2 and 3 pm, thus making it impossible for the target audience to watch The Talk. The best hour would be between 10 and 11 am when school-aged kids are out of the house, preschool is in session, and most moms are able to get back home to tune in. If you're going to produce a mommy show, at least schedule it at a time convenient for moms who don't want to -- or can't -- DVR it.