Even women divorced from their abusers and armed with orders of protection often find a cruel catch-22 hidden in the system meant to protect them; if they are mothers with children, they're frequently forced to remain in contact with their abusers because of parental rights.
'Til Death Do Us Part
Illinois resident Regan Martin is a 34-year-old woman who's trying to raise a family and reclaim her life after seven years of marriage to an abusive man. Although they are divorced, he cannot accept that she wants nothing to do with him anymore.
"He has threatened to kill me, " she says in a matter-of-fact way in a ChicagoTribune.com video. "He has tried to burn me with a propane torch, tried throwing me from a moving vehicle, because he told me that I am his wife, that no one else will have me, that no one will keep me away from him or his children...I know that if he even had a gun I would not be here to this day."
'A Stable Family Environment'
When Martin met John Samolis, she was a 24-year-old single mother with a daughter, Deaven, from a previous marriage. A college dropout, Martin was hoping to establish a stable family environment in which to raise her young child.
They married and had two boys of their own while Martin silently endured years of abuse. But after she enrolled in massage therapy school in 2006 she gained a sense of independence.
Just One Week
In May 2006 she asserted herself, asking him to refrain from abusing her or their sons for one week. She also wanted him to seek medical attention for his mood swings and control his constant need for sex. Samolis complied for six days, but after getting drunk at a friend's wedding he demanded sex; when she refused, he handcuffed her, then beat and raped her.
Later that night, afraid he might kill her, she ran out of the house and ended up in a hospital. There she signed a police complaint that would allow them to to prosecute her husband for criminal sexual assault, aggravated domestic battery and unlawful restraint. She later reconciled with Samolis and refused to testify against him.
However, further incidents that year finally convinced Martin to end the relationship for good; the threat of having her children taken away made her to take a hard look at her life.
Trying to Break Free
Eventually John Samolis served 19 months for aggravated domestic violence. During that time Martin moved into her brother's home, divorced Samolis, sold their house to cover the family's debts, and changed her Social Security number and those of her sons through a federal program that helps domestic violence victims escape their abusers. She petitioned him to allow her to move out of Illinois with the boys. She wanted to leave but knew that without the petition, the courts would regard her action as kidnapping.
Four Hours' Notice
On the day he was to be released, Samolis was at a hearing for yet another incident - calling and writing Martin in violation of an order of protection. The judge reduced Samolis' bail enabling him to go free, and Martin was given four hour's notice that her ex-husband, with a history of violent behavior towards her, would be released from prison. Frantic, she returned to her brother's home, loaded everything she owned in her car and drove away, desperate to find a place to live where Samolis couldn't track her down.
A Glimmer of Hope
In mid-July 2008, it seemed as if Martin might finally catch a break in her struggle for freedom. According to the Chicago Tribune:
Many victims of domestic violence who share children with an abuser are not permitted to leave the state. Judges are unwilling to strip abusers of regular visits with their children, no matter how much the abuser has attacked their mother.But Will County Circuit Court Judge Robert Brumund ruled that Martin could move out of Illinois with her sons, saying she had sufficient reason to fear bodily harm at the hands of Samolis if she stayed.
Martin remained scared even though the state Department of Corrections had placed Samolis on GPS monitoring—he was required to wear an electronic ankle bracelet—as part of his two-year parole. She had quit her job as a massage therapist and was staying with a friend in an undisclosed location to prevent Samolis from finding her.
"I'm going to grant the removal," Brumund said, explaining the move would "enhance her life and hopefully the lives of the children."
Sitting in the courtroom, Martin exhaled. Finally, the turning point she had been waiting for. All three of her children were at her mother's place. Now she could join them and begin planning the next step: disappearing.
Back to Square One
But then the judge added a condition that put Martin at risk all over again - he required her to provide a cell phone number and her new address outside Illinois to allow Samolis to call his sons several times a week. Within 24 hours, he began calling and texting her, and in five days she'd received nearly 30 calls and 15 text messages. He told her if she moved to another state he'd follow her once his parole ended. She called the police and Samolis was imprisoned again for violating yet another order of protection.
The Ties That Bind
As Regan Martin's story reveals, the system rarely allows a domestic violence victim to ever be free of her abuser when there are children involved. In the words of Dorothy Styx, Martin's family attorney:
Whenever John gets out, a judge will grant him the right to see his boys again, and Regan will have to provide him with a phone number and address of where they can be reached. It's a travesty of the system.
Sources:
Twohey, Megan.
"One woman's struggle to escape abuse." Chicago Tribune, 11 November 2008.
