I've been asked this question a lot in the past week: "Why haven't you written about the female student at Duke who rated her sexual partners in a PowerPoint 'mock' thesis?"
I waited because my preference is to focus on the reactions that have popped up in the mainstream media and to look at the deeper issues raised. I'm not so sure this was simply just a light-hearted account of a woman bedding down a long list of Duke jocks and lacrosse players and enjoying herself.
If the story has somehow escaped your notice, the New York Times covered it last Thursday. They also mentioned that on Jezebel, one of the two websites that broke the story, an editor from Harper Collins was interested in contacting Karen Owen, the 22-year-old recent Duke graduate behind the 'thesis.' (Deadspin was the other site, and there a movie producer and an agent from William Morris reached out to her.) They're fascinated by the prurient details and the table-turning theme of a woman having 'no attachment' sex and rating her partners without hesitation or regret...like many men do.
This was allegedly a private joke Owen shared with three friends, never intending it to be seen beyond the group. Jezebel describes it as "a young woman laughing about and celebrating her own sex life."
The media sees it as an irresistible combination of titillation, an in-your-face admission that women can be as casual about sex as men, role reversal, and perceived female empowerment.
Some of those themes were touched upon during a segment on NBC's TODAY show. According to psychologist Judith Sills, "She acted not like the classic victim when guys do this traditionally, but like the aggressor. She had high risk no-attachment sex, she is comfortable with it, then she bragged about it -- a traditional gender-bending behavior."
Co-host Meredith Viera brought up the fact that Owen has become a hero to many women for turning the tables and objectifying the other sex. Sills' response was that it resonates with women because these men got a taste of what women typically experience: "This is what it feels like, and you know what? It doesn't feel so bad to be on the aggressor side."
Dan Abrams, NBC's chief legal analyst, stated, "From a legal perspective, if it had been a man who had written this about a number of women, it's more likely there'd be a number of lawsuits...because of the societal differences."
Sills notes the shock value is what makes the story compelling: "Young women do this? They get drunk and think, 'I wonder if I can have a piece of him,' and then they go home and tell their girlfriends. And they're not embarrassed or shocked. That really takes us aback."
When Vanity Fair covered it in their daily blog, one reader wrote:
Big deal. Crudely bragging about one's sexual exploits is nothing new, especially for Joe and Jane College. A more recent development is the pseudo-intellectual treatment of whoring around: a phenomenon for which we can be grateful to "academic feminism."
The sexual exploits of twentysomething women is the flavor of the month in the publishing and online world; editors can't seem to get enough confessional stories from female writers.
But is this merely another step on the path to liberation and gender equality? Or a smiley face slapped on top of a darker issue -- a tale being spun as a celebration which glosses over several elements of possible violation?
At the Date Safe Project, Mike Domitrz mines this theme:
[A]lmost all of the discussion is missing one important point:
A RAPE appears to be described in her PowerPoint presentation.
Why do you think no one is talking about at least one potential sexual assault in this PowerPoint presentation? Do you think people have no compassion for her because she treated sex like a season of "American Idol" (scoring the contestants in various categories)? She is NOT the first. She is simply the first FEMALE to gain public attention from doing so.
The 'Wendy Murphy' Domitrz refers to is the noted civil rights attorney who filed a ground-breaking complaint involving sexual harassment and enforcement of Title IX. As reported by SecurityOnCampus.org in August 2009:
Schools have the same obligation to respond to sexual harassment in cyberspace that they have when the harassment occurs in the classroom - according to a first of it's kind ruling this month from the U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights (OCR).
"This means that sexual harassment, such as the vile behavior we've all heard about that takes place on websites like juicycampus.com, is forbidden under Title IX even though it doesn't technically occur 'on campus'", said noted civil-rights attorney Wendy Murphy. Murphy who brought the complaint earlier this year on behalf of a sexual assault victim attending college in the northeast who had been subjected to literally hundreds of sexually explicit and sexist comments on the now closed gossip site.
Title IX requires gender equity in all educational programs that receive federal funding. Among other things, gender equity means that schools and colleges must take "prompt and equitable" and "effective" steps to eliminate sexual harassment on campus. This standard has long been interpreted to include things like sexually explicit, sexist and offensive comments made in a classroom or physically posted on campus, but OCR told Murphy this is the first instance of these rules being applied to statements and posts made in a public forum in cyberspace.
If one or more of the sexual encounters Owen describes involved rape, it's certainly disturbing but unfortunately not unusual.
Female college students are significantly more likely to be victims of rape or sexual assault than women of the same age group in the general population. It's estimated that 1 in 5 women attending college will be a victim of rape or attempted rape by the time she graduates.
The way Owen has written the piece downplays any suggestion of rape, although Domitrz points out that sexual assault was likely involved. As Jezebel chronicles it:
With one subject, the author blacked out and doesn't remember having sex, but doesn't seem troubled, by her own account....Overall, very little regret and lots of good humor.
What's particularly troublesome are the reactions to the "F*** List" as it's being labeled. For years, men have engaged in this behavior and it's been accepted as 'boys will be boys.' Perhaps it is empowering for women to enjoy casual sex and compare notes -- after all, Sex and the City built a successful TV series and two mediocre films on this premise. But Sex and the City didn't include blackout scenes or "many bruises" from aggressive sex.
There is nothing empowering about sex that may border on rape, that takes place when a woman is too drunk to stand up or push away a man so intent on sex that he doesn't care if his partner is consenting or even conscious. That's nothing to brag about.
'Girls can be girls' and have sex with as many partners as they choose, enjoy themselves and take pleasure in their own expression of sexuality and aggressiveness, and talk about it with as many friends as they're comfortable with.
But I'd sooner celebrate a woman's sexual conquests undertaken stone cold sober and with great deliberation than alcohol-fueled encounters that may thrust her into situations that can get out of hand, endanger her, or result in outright rape.
We aren't so far removed from the old days of "she's asking for it" that we can afford to be casual about it. If we're really going to own our sexuality in as straightforward a manner as men do, and be as unabashed in pursuing sexual conquests and reveling in our exploits, let's do it with clear heads and focused intentionality and no mixed messages.
Whether it's a 'thesis' of Karen Owen's devising or any other 'notch on my belt' style tally of men, there's no room for rape on any woman's list.
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Comments
The difference? There’s no mob mentality here. Do the men on the list feel threatened? Shamed? Invaded? Are they now sluts to be raped at whim? Were they even named in the presentation? Are they turning up in the news, faces fuzzed out and voices enhanced? Will they have trouble getting jobs later because they have this in their past?
Becky:
The names of the men were in the material. As were penis sizes and other pertinent details that they would probably want to remain private — such as one male accidentally sitting in another’s ejaculated semen after coming into a room where the author and another male just finished their actions. The “sitter” had no clue what happened — but she laughs at him and pokes fun at him for doing this. (She had previously poked fun at him for his lack of sexual skill.)
There were also several photos of each male — and the faces are not “fuzzed out” but instead quite clear for all to see. Some images are of the men clad in their sport uniforms so that all one needs to do — in the versions that have since had the names redacted — is go to the team rosters on the Duke web page and connect the number with a name. Again, even if they agreed to the sex, none of the men consented to being part of her expose.
So it is very likely that they are, in fact, shamed and some may be threatened — they will forever be “that guy on the f- list” whenever they apply for a job or meet a potential future spouse. Their names are on the internet with images and details — and this was done against their will. She all but filmed the acts covertly and then posted the films without their approval. She took private moments and made them VERY public — in callous and shameless ways. Men who do the same are pigs. Why is she being considered anything else?
The tenor of your post seems as if you are willing to dismiss the potential anguish this causes for the men. I guess the double standard is alive and well. Except in this case, you seem to be telling us that the things that should upset us when a woman is violated (which do upset me, btw) should not upset us when men are violated. You are on dangerous ground here . . .
A number of people, perhaps supporters of the Duke Lacrosse team, might want to wreak some kind of havoc on Ms. Owen. Ms. Owen has apologized sincerely for her thesis. Whether or not she had to, it was sincere.
Remember what Ryan MacFayden suffered as a result of his email at the time of the Duke Rape case. That email was a satire on a book which was required reading at Duke.
Why would anyone want to wreak that kind of havoc on any other human being?
I am human. I learned long ago I was not qualified to be a stone thrower. I can not quote it exactly but I think this is applicable: Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.