Want to know what happened on the Rihanna/Chris Brown-inspired show that Oprah did on domestic violence? Salon has an excellent review.
I had voiced earlier that I'd hoped the show would include teen voices, and it did:
Perhaps the saddest moment on the show comes when visibly shaken friends of Charney Watt, a high-school cheerleader in Charlotte, North Carolina who died Sunday after allegedly being gunned down by her ex-boyfriend, speak to Oprah and Tyra via satellite. Asked about Rihanna, one girl refers to the singer's reunion with Brown. "It was kind of a slap in the face," she says. "Everybody expected Rihanna to step up and be a role model." But, Tyra reminds us, we can't force Rihanna to behave as we wish she would: "She is no better or different than any other girl. She is just as easily pulled into the cycle of abuse."Stats show this is all too true. From 10 Facts About Teen Dating Violence:
- Nearly 80% of girls who have been victims of physical abuse in their dating relationships continue to date the abuser.
- Nearly 20% of teen girls who have been in a relationship said that their boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm in the event of a break-up.
Tyra talks about a possessive, emotionally abusive boyfriend from her 20s. It took several attempts before she could break up with him, and Tyra emphasizes that she could only do it because she had a plan.That plan is essential if you're going to try and end the relationship. The National Coalition on Domestic Violence outlines what a plan involves.
Tyra noted that she'd previously interviewed Chris Brown on her show, and one telling fact from that conversation shows how hard it is to break the cycle of violence. This by no means excuses his behavior, but explains it to some extent:
In his appearance on The Tyra Banks Show, Chris said he watched his mother suffer abuse from the time he was 7 years old until he was 13. The abuser was not his biological father. "I treat [women] differently because I know I never want to go through the same thing or put a woman through the same thing that the person put my mom through," Chris told Tyra.When Tyra first heard about the alleged incident, she says she didn't believe it—until the police report was released. "I went back to that interview and I said, 'Oh my God, he's repeating [the cycle of abuse].'"
Related articles:
- 10 Facts About Teen Dating Abuse
- Tween Dating Abuse - Statistics and Facts
- Rihanna and Chris Brown Bring Teen Dating Abuse and Domestic Violence Out in the Open
- Because of Rihanna and Chris Brown, Oprah ShowTackles Domestic Violence
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Comments
Linda, thanks for the great recap and the link to the Salon article which is excellent.
I’m sorry I haven’t yet posted on this issue. I will soon. This isn’t easy for me.
My concern for those walking in Rihanna’s shoes is that it appears Chris Brown is a “pit bull” abuser. This means that the advice offered by experts will not likely be effective. It works well if an abuser is a “cobra.”
My hunch is that Rihanna hasn’t left because she doesn’t have an exit strategy. And, the only person who can probably help her create a viable one is Tina Turner.
I am a survivor of domestic violence! I have a very abusive ex husband who was very much a cobra abusers. He held me hostage and tried to murder me in 2003. I think someone needs to wake up our court systems all over the country and get them better educated with domestic violence. After 5 years of no contact at all as soon as my protection order expired this man resurfaced and filed for viaitation with our 5 year old daughter who never knew this man. Before the protection order expired the man NEVER tried to see the child. The court system is blinded by the fact that this man is using an innocent child as grounds to begin harassing me again and messing with me emotionally. This is his way to have a reason to try and be involved some how in my life. It is a sense of control for him. He is remarried and his new wife is just as brain washed as I once was. She claims he is so great and a new and changed man. But I know better, I once was her. Covering up for him and even believing his lies myself. Domestic violence is NOT only physical. And the courts granted this man visitation and would not even take his history in to account because it happened 5 years ago. I think his history has not been seriously taken in to consideration as it should have been. And the fact that it happened 5 years ago should make no difference. Also I think laws should be passed to make it easier for victims to get extensions on protection orders. I have tried in 2 different counties to extend my protection order only to fail in doing so. Change needs to be made!!! The word about domestic violence needs to really get out there as well as education in further depth with the court systems. It seems like the only way anyone will pay attention is after its already too late. When so many tragedies can be avoided if only someone can get the court systems to wake up!!!!! We have battered women advocates where I live. We have a program called Women Helping Women. But all they really do is listen and lend a shoulder to cry on. They are mainly volunteers. And although that’s good that’s simply not enough!! More needs to get done!!
Kelsey,
I certainly understand exactly what you are saying. I also agree with you the system need to make many changes when it comes to domestic violence. Many years ago I experienced being abused with 246 stitches in my head, and being in a coma over 3 months. My abuser served only two years in prison for what he did to me. I am blessed through it all to be able to voice my opinions to advocates, crime victims, DA’S office, police departments, and through my church how important more structure should be in place for women and children of domestic violence. I will not stop, I will not shut my mouth and be quet, I will continue to speak, work on my vision to open a shelter for abused women and children to live there, and restore them for 6 months to a year, also open a learning center to teach skills to these women and children that they may become independent and live a free and safe life. I stayed as many years as I did because I thought I could not make it without him. Little did I know I have grown and became a person that make me hard to believe, but I know it is God and not me. WE as survived battered women must continue to raise our voice to help save those that are still living in these abusive relationships. Help is out there it takes people like us to PUSH for change. Good Luck and I hope your situation gets better. Don’t give up, and don’t give in, continue to speak out you have that right. Sooner or later someone will listen.