Two steps forward, one step back. Do any of us stride confidently into the new year without a backward glance (tinged with regret) at the year that was? It is human nature, after all, to ponder the road not taken. And maybe this end-of-year self-tally of 'what might have been' is akin to throwing salt over one's shoulder -- a way of keeping the devil at bay in the year ahead.
Here's what a diverse group of women revealed about their own glances backward during 2008:
- New York Times healthcare reporter Jane Gross expresses regret over how she managed her mother's care in her final years. (It's an eye-opener for any woman dealing with an aging parent.)
- Presidential VP candidate and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin wishes she'd done more media interviews.
- Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, who late last year emerged as a 'love yourself no matter what your shape' body image advocate, says she should have spent more time naked.
- Carrie Fisher, promoting her new book Wishful Drinking, told Matt Lauer on the TODAY show that she wishes she'd turned down the role of Princess Leia in Star Wars.
- Small business owner Anita Campbell shares what she should have done when launching her startup -- tips that she offers with the wisdom of hindsight.
- Entrepreneur Leah Woodward, who previously owned her own business but had to return to 'being an employee' in 2008, created a laundry list of "14 Lessons I Wish I’d Known Before Going Back to Being An Employee."
- Albany Times-Union blogger Naomi Selden expresses regret over a 'Stolen Christmas' present.
- I wish I'd stayed on top of the 'stuff' coming into my house; my family has inherited much of the contents of both sets of parents' homes (mine passed away, his downsized to a retirement community) and now we don't quite know what to do with it all.
- I wish I'd been stricter about grades with one daughter and more generous with praise for the other daughter, and made more time for both.
- I wish had been better at returning phone calls and making time for 'girls night out' with those women in my life who often get ignored but still consider me a friend.
- And I wish I could have had twice as many hours each day to share more links, articles, blogs and stories of women's lives here.
Past experiences are the stitches that hold the fabric of our lives life together. It's to be expected that we may pull at a few loose threads now and then as we tidy up another year. If that's what you're doing in these final hours of 2008, that's okay. As you can see from the examples above, you're definitely not alone.
Comments
Life is full of regrets, and the New Year should be a perfect cleaning time to rid ourselves of those regrets. Holding on to them never helps, but we can use them so we don’t make the same mistakes in life.
We lost my husband’s mother in July to metastatic lung cancer (5 weeks post-diagnosis), and mine to recurrent metastatic breast cancer just last week. I am 40, my husband 38. His one big regret is waiting so long to have children. Our daughter is 4, our son 1. My parents have lived in Florida for more than 10 years, my in-laws just across the driveway. I regret not being able to see my parents more often, my children not being able to know them better and no longer having a grandmother on either side. I can however keep their memories alive, and tell my children about them. My Dad will hopefully move a little closer now, and be able to see them more often. I also have feelings of guilt because my Mother-in-law cared for my children while my husband and I worked. She skipped doctor’s appointments, when she should have kept them, because she didn’t want us to miss work.
There are just some things in life, no matter how difficult, that we must accept. There are just some things that we cannot change. We have to learn from our mistakes, use that knowledge and go on living.
Great blog Linda! I too would have limited the ’stuff’ coming in our home and the things that I thought were worth spending money on but really weren’t. (Oh, the lessons of an economic downturn!)
I love that you wish you’d taken more time with your girlfriends like the post you wrote (and I was fortunate to contribute) for National Women’s Friendship Day. I too share that promise for 2009.
Thanks for your always enlightening, informative and inspired articles! Happy New Year! Debba / Girlfriendology
Andrea, my heart goes out to you. I know what you’re going through – my own mother passed away three years ago just after Christmas. It makes this season even more bittersweet. Like your mother-in-law, my mother helped raise my kids, especially when I was facing cancer and she took my daughters during chemo.
Now my daughters are teens and I tell them, “Do it now. Use up those things you’re ’saving for a special occasion’ because life is unpredictable. Never assume you have unlimited time. None of us do.”
Please know my thoughts are with you.
Debba, I’m always impressed that you realize the value of women’s friendships and promote them so vigorously. I need to learn from you that we take our friends for granted at our peril. My friends put up with a lot where I’m concerned, and I believe they know how important they are to me – but for some reason, it’s easier to say “I love you” to my family than my friends. Maybe that should be my resolution this year – to be more comfortable with expressing my joy in my friendships.
I left this comment on Girfriendology before realizing it was part of your post. I hope you don’t mind if I repeat it here:
“I wish I’d stayed on top of the ’stuff’ coming into my house; my family has inherited much of the contents of both sets of parents’ homes (mine passed away, his downsized to a retirement community) and now we don’t quite know what to do with it all.”
I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself for taking on so much. I experienced the same thing when my stepfather died; there were so many things that reminded me of him, and I wanted to keep them all. Giving up a lot of them was part of the grieving and letting-go process. But it took me almost a decade to get there.
I definitely think it’s easier *not to let things into your house* than to get rid of them once they’re there. It’s not always possible to do that politely and without emotion, especially when it comes to family. I think it helps to get an outsider to help you cull through the stuff — someone who isn’t attached to it. Resolve to keep one of every 10 things. You’ll treasure what you keep more.
http://blogs.timesunion.com/simplerliving/