Talk the Talk - Speak With Self-Confidence
I always thought that the hard part was the walk. Turns out that women actually have a hard time with something we all thought we were good at - the talk.
Ellen Welty, writing in Redbook magazine, points out how we put ourselves down in both subtle and obvious ways when we speak.
These include the use of the word 'just' ("I'm just a stay-at-home mom"); the overuse of 'like' (just as bad as "um, uh" but with youthful connotations); the constant need to preface statements with apologies; the way our sentences rise up at the end like questions? and the confidence-busting sentence prefix, 'I think' ("I think I can handle that project without any assistance.")
Now, as a trained professional (kids, don't try this at home), I've tried to weed out those unfortunate habits from my writing and speaking. But if I reintroduce them here, this is what it might sound like:
"I just write about women's issues here on About.com, not like I really write about anything that's really important? so like I'm sorry that maybe I obsess about stuff you're not interested in, and like I think I can do better if you write to me or post here and tell me what you want to read?"
Okay, granted, that was taken to the extreme. But at the root of this little exercise is a big kernel of truth that I've taken to heart and hope you will too. And I'm quite impressed that a women's magazine like Redbook - not exactly a groundbreaking feminist journal - would put this out in front of its readers. Props to them!
We can all learn from putting our best face - and our best words - forward.
Comments
That is very good advice and you’re absolutely right.
I so this exact thing. I play lawn bowls but it is always “I just play socially” as opposed to being good enough to play competition. Or “I and just a pensioner”. I will have to learn to edit what I say as know I am constantly putting myself down.
I do well one-on-one but when all eyes in a group turn on me I stumble because I feel they are waiting impatiently for the bottom line.
For me, this article ask us to invest in ones self awarness. Individually we should know and feel comfortable in speaking our truths; without apologies, if done so with sensitivity and confidence. This voice of self disclosure is our affirmation as we know and live it. It’s valuable and we should be able to claim it; without reservations.
I totally agree with what you have written on how we women speak in an apologetic manner. I work with women clients at a Center for Women in Addictions and Pregnancy. Just yesterday I did a group on Self-Esteem and I bought up the very same point, we need to watch the way we are saying things because we over and over show that we are sorry for having to bother somebody with what we have to say. I had the ladies so an exercise, using assertive speaking skills. When the first lady gave her example of telling an auto mechanic that she didn’t ask for additional costly services, she too surprisingly started even her assertive exercise out with, “I’m sorry but I…” This just reiterates to me the depth and extent of what I have been trained to speak like.
Kathy